So, when looking at maps one can't but help to see the demarcation lines separating states, countries, cities, and districts. This little diddy is about District Boy.
I met District Boy (District for short) on eHarmony in November 2010. His profile caught my eye and I initiated communication. In his profile he wrote that he was interested in archaeology, family, family history, equestrianism, that he is a self-starter, and that, and I'm quoting here, "I am looking for someone that knows what they want and how to figure out the steps to achieve their goal and not let any degree of difficulty of achieving it make them have second thoughts or doubt themselves." He wrote that the things he can't live without are, "family, paycheck, internet, my cat, Dr. Pepper." Many things about what he wrote intrigued me - a guy who is into horses, cats, history, and Dr. Pepper? I want to know more... We moved through the guided process pretty quickly and got to the email stage, made plans, and had our first date.
We met for drinks at District wine bar. It was very crowded, as it was a Friday night close to 6:30pm - prime happy hour time. So, we ended up walking over to Tres Agaves and had a drink, and ended up eating a little food too (he paid). The conversation flowed nicely, and it seemed like we had a lot in common. After dinner, we walked over to District and found a place to sit, and had a glass of wine. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up and I saw a bit of a tattoo peaking out on one of his arms. I couldn't help but ask what it was and if I could see it. So, he rolled up his sleeve and showed me - it was a portrait of a horse with the caption "Nasty Kate" below it. Turns out it was his first horse, named Kate, and she could be a bit nasty sometimes... Kind of funny. He had 2 other tattoos, but I didn't see them that night. I picked up the tab at District. At around 11-ish, he was very visibly tired and we both kind of suggested we leave. He was tied to the CalTrain schedule, as he lived a little outside SF, and didn't have a car. He walked me to my car, and I drove him over to CalTrain. Our parting was a little awkward. We hugged and said goodbye, then he got out of the car and shut the door. A little abrupt, I thought. He texted me a little while later apologizing for the awkwardness of his departure and said he had a great time and to please let him know that I got home safely. I thought that was sweet.
We started exchanging emails outside of eHarmony, and a few days later, went on our 2nd date. He took me to Houston's on the Embarcadero (one of his favorite restaurants). We met at the Ferry Building, had a glass of wine, then walked over to the restaurant and had a lovely dinner (he paid). Then we went over to Pier 23 after dinner for a night cap (I paid), and then he walked me back to the street car so I could get home. He actually walked me into the metro station - no one had ever done that before. Very sweet. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and asked that I let him know I got home safely. I texted him, "Home safe, although saw a skunk & spider on my way. Yikes! Had a great time. We should get together again sometime soon! Hope your journey is safe & quick!" He replied, "Glad you made it home safely. And skunk-free too! I had a great time. Thanks for taking over during my brain shutdown. Let's try to work something out this week if it's not too soon. Sleep well."
A few days later, we went out again - this time to a movie and dinner. He bought tickets (in advance) for Harry Potter, and had me meet him at the theater. It was November 23, and I remember that it was FREEZING cold outside. The theater was also FREEZING cold too. I had to pull my jacket over me to stay warm during the movie. After the movie, as we are collecting our things to leave, he took my jacket off of my lap and helped me into it - so sweet! We then walked over to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. District remarked during the walk that he was going to try and hold my hand in the movie, but it was so cold that he couldn't. I think he was sitting on his hands the whole time. It was funny. So, we get to the restaurant and have a nice dinner and conversation. As we finished up (he paid), we stepped outside and were talking for a few minutes. As we were talking, this man who was standing on the street turned around and said to District, "I recognize that laugh..." Turns out it was a co-worker of his who was waiting for a ride from some other co-worker of theirs. District introduced me and we talked for a few minutes. The cold was really getting to all of us, and I mentioned that because it was so cold and late, that I was going to take a cab home rather than the bus. District hailed a cab for me. He helped me into the cab, and I turned around to give him a hug goodbye, and I planted a little kiss on his lips - no tongue or anything, but a nice little kiss. It was funny, as I pulled away, he looked dumbfounded, shocked, and like he couldn't really make sense of what just happened. I thanked him for dinner and the movie and said I'd talk to him later. I got in the cab, and off I went. I texted him when I got home, and he replied that he made the train with 1 minute to spare. I commented that it was good that he made it and didn't have to wait another hour for the next train. He replied that he was glad he made it too, and then sent another text with, "you looked absolutely beautiful tonight. And every time I've seen you." I replied, "Thank you! That is so sweet & nice to hear!"
We continued chatting, texting, and emailing throughout November. For Thanksgiving, I went to my Brother's house and was away from Thursday through Saturday. District texted me a few times here and there over the weekend, and then on Saturday, he sent, "Good afternooooooon! I hope you had lots of sleep and are well rested. Not to be demanding or anything but hurry up and get home so I can see you sooooooon!" I replied and we made plans for Sunday. We spoke that night when I got home, and then again on Sunday. We met that afternoon and had dinner, then went to see a movie. Dinner was at the Daily Grill (he paid), and then we were going to walk to the movie theater. As we were exiting the restaurant, he asked permission to hold my hand. It was so sweet. Of course I allowed him to, and we held hands on our walk to the theater. As we were taking the escalator up to the theater, he asked if he could ask me a question, but that it might make me uncomfortable. I told him he should just ask away. So, we're on the escalator, and he said something like, "Last week when I put you in the cab, did you mean to kiss me? Was it intentional? It took me totally off guard and I didn't know what to make of it." I said, "Yes, it was intentional." I my mind I was thinking - how can a kiss be unintentional? I didn't slip and catch my fall with his mouth... He said, "Oh, ok. In that case, I need to give you a proper kiss right now." Right at that point, we were at the top of the escalator, and people were all around. I said, "Right now? There are all kinds of people around." He said, "I don't care." And then he kissed me right there with everyone to see. I was thinking, well, ok. I like this. So, we kissed, then went to the movie. After the movie, we walked to the metro station. I was getting on in 1 direction, him in the other. As my train arrived, he grabbed me and planted another kiss on my lips, and asked me to text him when I got home. As I'm about a block from my place, my phone rings, and it was District. Apparently, he missed the last CalTrain home and was stranded in SF. It was Sunday evening around 11pm-ish. He said he would try to call a friend or sleep at the office. I said that I'd be happy to drive him home (I didn't really want to do it, but I would have), or he could stay with me. I made it clear that it was sleeping that we'd do, and no funny business (i.e. sex). He seemed nervous about it. I said, just get a cab and come over and I texted him my address. He responded, "Omw... I just want you to know this is a huge step for. I hope this means we'll get married soon. What would my mother say?" I responded, "Me too. Big step. Well, sometimes you have to take big risks to reap big rewards... let's not think about what the parents will say." So, he got here. Nervous. We sat on the couch, he asked permission to put his arm around me, of course I gave it. Then it was bed time. I loaned him a t-shirt and some boxers, and we got into bed. We made out a little, cuddled a little, and then went to sleep. Man, does District snore. I did not sleep at all. Of course, I had to get up on Monday morning and work (granted I work from home, but I was still working). He stayed in bed. Jealous. It was cute - I was working in the livingroom, and he texted me "you work too much." It was funny. I had a lull in my day, so around noon, we went to lunch at a place in my 'hood, and I walked him to the street car stop so he could get home. It was a nice sleepover except for the fact that I didn't sleep. I'm the world's lightest sleeper (really, the world's - you can look in Guinness Book of World Records). Absolutely cannot sleep when a person is snoring at 10,000 decibels. No can do.
That week, we had a pretty cute text exchange where we established that we "liked" each other. He texted, "Wanna shoot for a possible sleep over at you place tomorrow? (yes, I'm inviting myself over)" I said, "Sure! I would really like that! You could bring what you need for Thursday, except you don't need a toothbrush because you already have one here :-)" He responded, "Hahaha ok. Sounds like a plan. So I guess this means you like me, huh? Or do you need to try some other things out before you decide? Just remember: you break it you buy it. ;)" I responded, "Yes, I like you! Same for you - you break it, you buy it, and you will have to contend with my sister. I guess this means you like me too?" He replied, "Only if I can to try before I buy. I like to squeeze the goods you know! Just kidding. Yes, District likes you. Or District + You. Heh." We exchanged a few witty, innuendo-filled texts, and then the next day arrived, and he came over after work. We went to grab some dinner, then came back to my place, and watched a little TV, and then one thing led to another, and yes, we sealed the deal. Twice. During the 2nd sealing of the deal, we had a conversation (random, yes) where we decided we were in a "committed, monogamous relationship." So, that was that - I had a committed monogamous relationship after a sum total of 4 dates - woo hoo!
I saw District again a few days after that. We met for lunch, went to look at an apartment downtown for him (he was trying to move back to SF), and then came back to my place and sealed the deal some more. He had to scoot on home because I was entertaining some girlfriends that night and it was girls only. We talked over the next few days, and the following week, it's now December 10, I picked him up from work and took him to the apartment he was going to rent so he could sign the lease, get the keys, and have a late lunch with me. It was during this time that he got VERY busy with work. He was a web developer for a non-profit, and they were doing some software release and it wasn't going well. He was working a lot and exhausted. So, I pick him up, we get to the apartment, he signs the lease, we go have lunch. We went back to the apartment so he could look at it a little more before he went home. We kind of made out a little while we were there, and things got a little heated. I started to pull off his coat and shirt, and he stopped me saying he had to get home and get back to work. I was slightly annoyed, but whatever, so I stopped. Then we went back into the kitchen to get our things to leave, and he starts making out with me again. Then, he started pulling my clothes off and we ended up sealing the deal. It was kind of comical. We got dressed, and I drove him to ore CalTrain so he could go home and work some more. He even fell asleep in the car ride over to CalTrain. That was the last time I actually saw District.
We spoke, texted, and IMed over the next few weeks. He tried to make plans with me several times, but each time the plans were foiled because of his work. I was getting annoyed, but I understood. I get very busy at work too, but it just sucked. I was leaving for Southern California for Christmas and we were trying to get together before I left. It didn't work out. I was at a dinner party with friends the day before I left, and District called me and we spoke for about 20 mins. He said that he didn't think it was a good idea to have breakfast in the morning because he'd only be thinking about all of the work he had to do that day, and that it wouldn't be fair to me. So, he flaked. He said "I'm just too busy for this." I got alarmed, and needed him to clarify what "this" was - the committed monogamous relationship, or breakfast the next morning. He said breakfast, not the relationship. It put me somewhat at ease for the moment. We talked again that night when I got home, then a few times while I was in Southern California. He called me each day for the first 3 days, then I called him each day the next 2 days. Then I didn't hear from again while I was away, much to my chagrin. I texted him the day I was flying home to see if he wanted to get together that night for smooches and drinks. No response. I called him as I was driving home from the airport, and got his VM. No response, no call back. At that point, I was a little pissed.
The next morning - December 29th - he texted me "Hey, sorry I missed ya last night. I forgot my phone when I went to the office. Will you be around for a talk this morning? I'll have a break around 11:30am." Right then I thought - ok - he's supposed to be on vacation, why is his phone at the office. I also thought - his cell is the ONLY phone he has, there's no way he left it at the office. And what does "talk" mean? A talk or a TALK??? I responded that I would be available. So about 11:45am, he calls and basically says he's too busy for this, he needs to focus on his career, and he's done with our committed monogamous relationship. We talked for about 20 minutes, and he just kept saying over and over that he was too busy, but that nothing had changed, but that he was too busy... He said, "I know this is a lot to digest in the few minutes that we've been talking. If you want to talk in a few days, I can call you." I said, "If you feel like you have time to talk and you want to call, I might be around." And then I hung up. I was pretty upset that he ended our 2-month relationship so abruptly, and also pissed. I went out with friends that night, and called a friend with whom I had benefits, and tried to make the most out of a kind of crappy situation. I never heard from District again. I sent him an email about a week later asking him to help me better understand what happened - did he meet someone, did something change, etc. - and he didn't respond. I kind of thought he would because he seemed like a pretty stand-up guy, but guess I was wrong about that.
Moral of the story - sometimes guys suck. (And for you male readers out there, sometimes girls suck too). And, having some perspective now, when one door closes, many more doors may close, but one might just open up and be spectacular! I guess that's the hopeless romantic in me coming out.
