Howdy readers! So, from time to time, I've shared dating stories from friends, and this little adventure is courtesy of my sister. She's got lots of absolutely hilarious stories to share. This is the first, but it won't be the last. Enjoy. You're welcome.
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Hello... my name is Leyna, I'm Jennifer's "little" sister. When she asked if I'd write a guest blog entry about my worst date, I jumped at the chance because it's one of the few stories I actually remember very well, and definitely one I won't soon forget. I pretty much lived my 20's to the absolute fullest. I really didn't hold back much and kind of always felt like I should "get it all out of my system" before I settle down into married life, and that I did. As a result, my sister got an earful of weekly entertainment from me and actually remembers more stories from my 20's than I do!
To give you a little insight, at this point in my life I was traveling for work about 6-8 months out of the year and had just returned from a month long tour around the country casting season 14 of the Real World. One week into my trip, my boyfriend called and begrudgingly admitted he had gone out drinking with some of our friends, met a girl and cheated on me the night before... He wanted to tell me "before any of our friends did". What a guy! So I dumped him, spent a day or two mourning, soothed my sadness with a new tattoo and decided to hunt down some rebounds on the road (since I'd never actually been single on the road before).
Our next stop was Boston, where I was determined to find a beefy Bostonian to call my own for a night. Well, I did meet a boy (after WAY too many shots with my co-workers and Vinny Pastore - so random) our last night in town... I spotted him and his "bros" from the dance floor and without hesitation walked right over to them and accusingly declared "Boys in Boston have NO game!" Thankfully, I didn't get punched in the face, he thought I was funny so we ended up dancing a bunch, making out a bit and ripping on each other like an old married couple all night. It was a blast.
When I returned home from the road, I was filling my boss in on all my shenanigans and told him about my new found love for Boston boys. He said his personal trainer is a hot Boston guy and would be PERFECT for me (whatever that means). I'm not really someone who likes getting fixed up when I'm single, but I'm also not one to turn down a date, so I agreed to meet him. He called a couple days later and we made plans to go out that Tuesday night after his last training session around 9:30pm. I was meeting friends for drinks after work in Burbank, so I agreed to meet him at his house in Hollywood at 10pm, since I lived in Venice at the time and it was basically on my way home. Done and done.
Cut to date night, I called him when I was a couple miles away to let him know I'd be there soon and ask him what the parking situation was like. He told me to pull in behind the building and park in the spot next to the dumpster, so I did. With all the usual first date jitters, I walked around to his apartment, knocked on the door and my worst date began...
First thing I noticed was his hair. It was a terrible faded grayish/green/blue color, like his Manic Panic "Enchanted Forrest" hair dye needed some serious touching up. As I stood there taking in all 5 feet 7 inches of him, I quickly realized all he had on was a towel. He literally answered the door wearing a small bath towel wrapped around his waist. Seriously dude? Don't pretend you didn't know I was coming, I called you 15min ago to say I was close and ask you where to park, remember? Douche.
Suddenly, my awe and disbelief was interrupted when a giant rottweiler came charging at me out of nowhere. He grabbed her collar (right before she ripped my face off) and just when I thought the first two minutes of our date couldn't get any weirder... As he turned around to put his dog away, I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing - from shoulder to shoulder, neck to tail bone - he had a larger than life portrait of his dogs face tattooed across his whole back. I'm pretty sure the tattoo was bigger than her actual face.
Yep. So, that happened.
He came back and gave me a quick tour of his disgustingly dirty bachelor pad (in his towel), and told me to make myself at home while he got dressed. Great. I sat there looking around and thinking, what the hell just happened?
About 10min later, he was obviously trying to impress me when he came out wearing a white t-shirt, grey sweatpants (with elastic at the bottom) and the oldest, most beat up pair of (white) sneakers I had ever seen. Before we left for dinner, he had to release the beast (aka - his rottweiler, "Rosie") to take care of business. He let her out the front door, she ran down to the grass out front, dropped a deuce and ran back inside. Did he scoop her poop? What do you think?
Yep. So, that happened.
He came back and gave me a quick tour of his disgustingly dirty bachelor pad (in his towel), and told me to make myself at home while he got dressed. Great. I sat there looking around and thinking, what the hell just happened?
About 10min later, he was obviously trying to impress me when he came out wearing a white t-shirt, grey sweatpants (with elastic at the bottom) and the oldest, most beat up pair of (white) sneakers I had ever seen. Before we left for dinner, he had to release the beast (aka - his rottweiler, "Rosie") to take care of business. He let her out the front door, she ran down to the grass out front, dropped a deuce and ran back inside. Did he scoop her poop? What do you think?
We walked around back to where our cars were parked and I asked if he wanted me to drive. Without hesitation, he looked at my car and said in a ridiculously condescending tone, "Well, should we take your Mustang, or take a ride in my Mini Cooperrrr?" as he panned over to his tiny little Mini Cooper that he apparently loved so much he actually sat on a waiting list for 2 years to get it. The answer was clear, I guess.
To spare you the long drawn out version, I've decided to bullet point the rest of the date - as I'm sure you can imagine it didn't miraculously improve. So, here are the cliff's notes:
- He didn't open my car door (shocking), but to make matters worse he actually opened his door, got in the car and shut the door all while my door was still locked.
- When we finally headed out, he didn't know where to go. Believe it or not, our restaurant options were limited at 10pm on a Tuesday. I suggested Canter's on Fairfax since it was closest, but he told me we couldn't go there because he got kicked out for fighting. Lovely. So, after 10min of "I don't know, where do you wanna go?", we headed to Swingers.
- He answered his phone during dinner and talked for 5min. I seriously thought I was on a hidden camera show.
- When we went back to his place, his roommate had parked behind me blocking me in only to find out the "reverse" on his car was broken. Rather than waiting for them to manually push it back, I did an 80 point turn to get out of there and never looked back.
The next day I asked my boss/friend what on earth made him think we would perfect for each other and he said he was shocked we didn't hit it off because I "look exactly like his ex-girlfriend".
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I absolutely love this story. Makes me literally laugh out loud every time I read it. Guys, please take note, try not to have too disgusting of a house, corral your animals (and if you have a GIGANTIC tattoo of your pet, be prepared to explain why), don't answer the door in a towel (unless you have a body like this guy), and sweatpants don't a date outfit make.
Until next time...
