Capitals, punctuation, and spelling, oh my...

So, I was poking around on eHarmony this evening looking at my new matches.  This is often an adventure in and of itself.  Sometimes there is a shocking lack of words and information in profiles, and other times there is an overabundance of information - sometimes too much information.  Sometimes profiles are quite comedic, and sometimes I'm left scratching my head thinking "did that person really just write that?"

Here are some doozies from tonight.  These are directly from profiles with no editing from me.

When describing what one thing he is most passionate about, S, a plumber, wrote, "writing poetry ,i haven't wrote in awhile ,for some reason i cant seem 2 write unless im in love! havent been they way in a long time or if im in a lot of pain. I need 2 write again =]"  He also wrote this about how he he spends his leisure time, "i really lik playing xbox,spin classes, im ready 2 do more fun things just dont have someone 2 do it with."  Oh, and he didn't post a picture of himself.

M, an insurance underwriter, wrote that the one thing he is most passionate about is "sports."  Come on - this is an opportunity to let a girl know about the things you like.  All you can come up with is "sports"?  And, he didn't post a picture either.

B, a shipping clerk, wrote that he is most passionate about "instrumental music."  Does that mean elevator music?  Not sure about that.  And, oh, he didn't post a picture either.

M, who is in the Navy, wrote this about how he likes to spend his leisure time, "i love camping and fishing love to breath the fresh air."  Yep, no picture posted.

M, an accountant, wrote that he is most passionate about "friendships."  Come on M, this is a dating site - you're just passionate about friendships?  And, you guessed it - no picture.

H, self employed, wrote this about what he is most passionate about, "I am passionate alot..."  Hmmmmmmmm...  really?  A lot?

I think one of the biggest head scratching moments I've had over information in a profile came a while back.  A little background.  I'm not religious.  I wasn't born into or with a religion and I don't follow a religion.  I think something is "out there", but I don't feel I need a building, a book, or a person in order to have spirituality.  I have nothing against people who follow a religion, but it isn't for me.  So, that cleared up, here is what a man put in his profile.

When describing the most influential person in his life, he wrote, "Not to sound super spiritual or anything, but I would say Jesus Christ, because he died for my sins, and I would like to make Him happy by serving Him in all aspects of my life."  He also wrote that one of the things in life he is most thankful for is "Having accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior."  WOW - that's a lot of Jesus in his life.  Again, nothing against Jesus and people who think he's the man, but that is a bit much, in my opinion, for a dating profile.

Ok.  So, a recap of lessons learned:

1. Have someone proof-read your profile.  Please.
2. Proper capitalization, punctuation, and spelling are important.
3. This is a profile, not a text.  Abbreviations don't cut it - spell words out, please.
4. The more words you use, the better (within reason, of course).  Telling me you are passionate about sports is fine, but what else are you passionate about?  Tell me something more about you that will make me want to know even more about you.  "Sports" doesn't fit the bill.
5. POST A PICTURE or 2 or 3 or 4 - current, clear pictures, please.

Until next time...

Fun with Science! - Part 1

Adventure tale #3

I recently met and went out with another boy from my eHarmony adventure - I'll call him Molecule.  Molecule is a scientist.  We went through the guided communication process pretty quickly.  He seemed interesting in his profile, and had several good, and seemingly current pictures as well.  When we got to the open communication stage, we each tended to write rather lengthy emails that were chock full of good information and questions for each other.  He was always very witty and cute in his responses.  After about the 3rd email exchange, he wrote "It seems that with our rambling emails we might have graduated to a phone call. Are you up for that? No pressure."  I responded to his email and let him know I'd be up for a chat any time and gave him my phone number.

I think the next day he sent me a text and said he'd call me later that day.  And, then he actually did!  (Major points).  I was in my car when he called and couldn't answer, but I called him back shortly thereafter and left him a message to call me any time the following day.  And he did (more points).  I was quite sick at the time - some flu / bug attacked me - so we only talked for a short time.  But he asked me out on a date for the following Friday.  Of course I accepted.  He said he would think about where to go and call me in a few days to solidify plans.  (Way more points here for taking charge, and for planning our date!).  So, like he said he would, he called me a few days later and asked if 7:30pm worked for me (it did), and asked if I like Mexican food (I do), and then said he would make a reservation at Tres Agaves for 7:30pm that Friday and would text me to confirm once the reservation was made.  We spoke for a few more minutes.  He was really funny and had a great sense of humor.  I was getting more excited to meet Molecule in person.  Sure enough, a few minutes after we got off the phone, he texted me to confirm our plans for Friday.

Friday came around, and I found myself a little nervous for our date.  I got ready, put on a cute outfit (for you fashionistas out there - I wore a pair of True Religion "Becky" jeans, a purple / lavender silk tank top from J. Crew, a navy velvet blazer, and a pair of gold Manolo sling-backs), hoped for a good hair day, and was on my merry way to meet Molecule.  I parked my car and walked over to the restaurant.  He was waiting outside.  When I approached, he said "hi" and gave me a little hug.  We walked into the restaurant (he held the door for me - more points), and checked in with the host.  We were seated at a great little booth.  It was kind of loud in the restaurant, so rather than sit across from him, I scooched further into the booth and he did too.  He commented that he was lucky to get to sit closer to a cute girl on the first date.  It was cute.  So, we talked a little, ordered food, and shared a nice meal.  We talked almost the whole time about all kinds of stuff.  Hobbies, family, background, how we made it to the Bay Area, what I do for a living, what he does for a living, what he's studying in grad school, etc.  We also talked about tattoos - he has 1, and I have a few.  He was quite intrigued about mine.  I described to him what I have, and pointed out where they are, and actually showed him my newest tattoo.  He seemed to like it too.  We also talked about some taboo first date subjects - other dates and our experiences with eHarmony.  I told him about Chef, and he told me about a few not so great dates he's had.  It was kind of funny.  When the check came, he grabbed for it, and I asked if I could contribute.  He flat out said no, and that maybe he'd let me pay next time.  (More points.)

After dinner, we went to District for a glass of wine.  As we were leaving the restaurant, he opened the door for me (yet more points), and then when we were on the street, he put his hands on my shoulders and moved me to the inside, because he said he always walks on the outside (again, more points).  It was sweet, and I liked it.  So, we get to District, find a seat in the back and sit down.  He put his arm around me (I liked that too), and we continued our conversation and witty banter.  We enjoyed a glass of wine and getting to know each other a little more.  On the surface, Molecule seems like a smart, nice, normal person.  But as you get to know him a little more, there is much much more than meets the eye.  I like a person with a little mystery and many facets to their personality.  Around 11:30pm, we both remarked that maybe we should call it a night.  The check came and I tried to grab it, after all it was "next time" and he said no way.  He said "I know I said you could pay next time, but this isn't next time yet."  (More points.)  He walked me to my car, and then I drove him to his car a few blocks away.  We chatted in my car for a few minutes.  He said, "So, I feel I don't need to sugarcoat anything with you."  I said, "No, you don't."  He said, "I had a great time with you tonight and I think we should hang out again, and since you said you don't have plans for Sunday, I think we should do something then."  I said, "That would be great."  He said, "I will call you tomorrow and let you know what time to meet me and where."  I said, "Look forward to it."  Then he gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek, and then went to his car.  He texted me when he got home and thanked me for a nice evening, and said good night.  I responded with the same.  I went to sleep with a smile on my face after a great first date.  It was an almost exact repeat of my first date with District a few months ago, but I'll save that adventure for another posting.  Don't want to spoil this one.

Sure enough, Molecule called the next day, and left a voicemail to tell me he'd made a reservation for 6pm on Sunday.  He picked 6pm because he knew I had to work the next day, and that I would have to drive home after dinner and didn't want me to get home too late.  Molecule lives about 40 minutes south of San Francisco.  I thought that was quite thoughtful of him...  (more points).  I called him back Sunday morning to say hi, let him know I got his message, and to confirm that the time & location worked for me.

So, I met him at the appointed place at the appointed time 40 minutes south of San Francisco.  We had another nice meal, and some more fun conversation.  We talked more about family, hobbies, life, travel, and all sorts of things.  The conversation flowed great, and we had a lot of fun.  The check came, and I tried to grab it, because after all, this was technically "next time".  He wouldn't let me have the check, and said "this isn't next time yet.  I'll let you know when it is." (More points).  After dinner, we walked to my car to put my left overs down.  As I closed the car door, he kissed me!  He remarked that he had been waiting to do that all night!  It was very sweet and put a big smile on my face.  We decided to take a little stroll in the neighborhood around the restaurant.  It was great - more good conversation about some more serious topics as well as lighter things too.  We found our way back to my car and talked a little, kissed a little, and agreed on a time to meet the next week for our 3rd date.  He helped me into my car, and asked me to let him know that I made it home safely.

I drove home with a big smile on my face - what a great 2nd date!  I called Molecule when I got home and we talked for a few minutes, and then I got ready for my hectic Monday work day.  He called me Monday evening to ask how my work event went (more points).  As we were ending the conversation he suggested that maybe we could get together on Wednesday.  I said it could be a possibility and to call me Wednesday afternoon.  He did, and we made plans for him to stop by later that night.  It was a nice visit - kind of strange to have him over to my place, but it worked out quite nicely.  We spoke on Thursday, and had our 3rd official date on Friday.  We met half-way between our home locales and had a very nice dinner and more great conversation.  Again I drove home from our date with a big smile on my face, and am looking forward to our next date.

So far, it has been a GREAT adventure!  Looking forward to seeing what happens with this molecular adventure tale...

A Pokey tale...

Adventure tale #2.  

I met Pokey (not his real name), on Match.com in February 2009.  His profile, from what I remember of it, was nice.  He seemed interesting, and he seemed like a "real" person.  We moved pretty quickly to emailing each other from our personal emails, outside the "big brother" of Match.com watching our every move.  Our email exchanges were very robust and interesting.  Pokey could definitely write well, using proper grammar and complete sentences (lots of points for him for that).  He answered my questions, asked me new questions, and was just generally interesting.  We even both commented on our collective astonishment at how people lie about themselves on-line all the time.  It was cool that we both seemed to be on the same wave-length.

Pokey had done some traveling when he was a little younger, and was eager to do more of that.  He was employed doing something he really enjoyed doing, and had several hobbies and interests outside of work.  We met for the first time for breakfast on a rainy Sunday afternoon.  Conversation flowed pretty well, and we had a good time.  After breakfast, we ended going back to his place to talk some more.  Pokey is a HUGE fan of jazz music.  I am not.  It was difficult to find something in his sea of jazz LPs that wasn't jazz and that was remotely interesting for me to listen to.  We did, and settled on a listening to Men at Work (yes, a random choice).  But, hey, admit it - "Down Under" and "Be Good Johnny" are catchy little diddies...

We talked for about 2 more hours, then I called it a day and headed home to play with my brand new Mac laptop!  We went out to dinner the next week at a little French bistro near his apartment.  Dinner was yummy.  When the check came, he asked if I could cover the tip - which I did.  Then we went to a place for dessert, which I paid for.  Then picked up some bubbly and went back to his place to talk some more.  Again, found it challenging to find some non-jazz music to listen to.  Here's where my indecision became more indecisive.  I had 2 glasses of bubbly, and didn't really want any more.  Yet, Pokey insisted on pouring me more.  When I said I didn't want it, he was kind of offended, and peer pressured me into drinking it.  After I did, I decided to call it a night.  He walked me to the train, and I was on my merry way.

We started talking on the phone most days, and emailing too.  Still great conversation and emails, but I wasn't really feeling the chemistry with him yet.  I was still really on the fence.  Nice guy, worth a 3rd date.  So, we go out again for dinner.  He orders a beer (at the time I wasn't really into beer).  He asked if I wanted a taste of it, I politely declined.  He peer pressured me again into tasting it.  So, I took a sip, it was not to my liking, and I gave it back to him.  I was getting kind of annoyed with this peer pressure stuff, but willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.  For our subsequent dates, we kind of took turns paying.

We go out for a 4th date - dinner again.  Then we met up with a friend of mine for some jazz music at a club on Haight Street.  I very strongly dislike jazz music.  I suggested it because I thought he would enjoy it, and I can put up with just about anything for a few hours.  He had a good time, and I did too.  When my friend arrived, he bought us both a drink (points for him), and made an effort to get to know my friend and talk with her.  At the end of the show, we shared a cab to his place to drop him off.  I got out of the cab with him and gave him a hug, and we shared a peck on the mouth.  I was starting to think that I might like him, but still wasn't really feeling chemistry, but thought it might be coming...

We go out for a 5th date - dinner again, and then pub trivia at a local bar.  Dinner was nice, got peer pressured again into trying his icky beer.  Trivia was ok.  My 2 guy friends didn't give him too much crap, and we had an enjoyable time.  Still no chemistry though.

We go out for a 6th date - dinner again (just the 2 of us), then drinks with a few of my friends.  Dinner was interesting - he suggested sushi (though he doesn't like it).  I LOVE sushi, so won't refuse.  But, I know Pokey didn't like sushi, and suggested somewhere else.  He said nope, we would go to sushi, and he would get something non-sushi on the menu...  Ok.  So, we go to sushi.  It was a very warm May evening.  The entire time at dinner, he kept tickling my knee.  I'm quite ticklish and don't really love being tickled.  I told him as much in a serious way, and asked him to please stop doing that.  He must have had a large build-up of wax in his ear because he kept tickling me.  One time, ok.  Two times, ok.  But three, four, five times - not so ok with me.  As we walked out of the restaurant and over to the bar, he graduated from tickling my knee to poking my side (hence the nickname, Pokey).  The first time he did it, I asked him to cut it out.  The second time he did it, I hit his arm with my elbow.  We get to the bar and meet my friends.  He buys me a drink.  I finish my drink.  He asks if I want another one, I declined and said I wanted water.  He made fun of me for drinking water in a bar.  He ordered a scotch or something and peer pressured me (again) into trying it.  And kept poking me.  Repeatedly.  He also kept asking me if I was having a good time (I was).  The 4th time he asked me that, I asked him the same question.  Turns out he wasn't feeling that particular bar, so we went somewhere else.  We sit down at a table at the new location and he starts tickling my knee again.  Seriously.  I was thinking this guy is either seriously deaf, has major short-term memory loss, ear wax build-up, or really is delusional that tickling me will turn me on and that I will attack him in a fit of horny-ness.

My friend noticed the tension when he kept tickling me and decided to give us a few minutes alone.  He proceeded to peer pressure me into having more of his icky beer.  At that point, I said, "Pokey, what part of 'no' don't you understand?"  He seemed a bit taken aback by my question and stopped asking me to drink his drink.  But, he kept poking and tickling me.  Maybe he thought that when I told him to stop that I was just kidding and my "STOP please" was really "I love that, and please please keep doing it."

Around midnight, I'd had enough of this poking and tickling.  Pokey had to to go.  My friend and I walked out with him, walked him to the train-stop and said good bye.  After that pokey evening, I was done.  The chemistry wasn't going to come, and at that point, I was completely irritated.  I needed to call on my good friend Gumby to take his pony pal Pokey into a book and put him to pasture.

Pokey called me for another date the next week.  I broke one of my etiquette rules and didn't call him back for the date (my bad).  He was out of town the following week, and never called me when he got back.  About a month later, he sent me an email asking what was up.  I responded the same day and said that I didn't think we were right for a romantic relationship and that I wished him good luck in his search.

Pokey, pokey, pokey.  When someone says no, respect that.  When someone asks you to stop poking them, just stop it, ok?  This isn't the most adventurous dating tale I have, but it resonates with me a little.  When I was younger, I used to poke my sister ALL THE TIME.  She hated it.  Intensely.  I couldn't understand why she hated it so much until I had to endure just one little one evening of it.  I called her after that date and apologized profusely and told her I would not poke her again.  I might have had one or 2 more pokes in me, but I can completely appreciate how annoying it is and solemnly vow not to poke her again.  Sorry Sugarcoat for poking you so much when we were younger.  Lesson learned.

Until the next adventure!

A little on-line dating etiquette: part 1

So, in my humble opinion, with any activity comes some amount of etiquette.  For example, if someone invites you over for a meal, you probably wouldn't show up empty handed.  Or, you might behave differently in a business setting than you would with your friends.  My point is that most things / activities come with an inherent set of rules, expectations, manners - etiquette.

When joining an on-line dating web-site, one of the actions you need to take is to build your profile.  This involves answering some questions about yourself and posting some pictures.  The questions vary between the sites, but the general idea is to provide some information about yourself with the express purpose of catching someone's eye.

Here are some of my thoughts on on-line dating etiquette.  They are pertinent to both girls and guys.

1. Fill out your profile.  You've likely paid money to join the site, so take a few minutes and fill out your profile.  Please provide answers that are more than one word. Please use proper capitalization, grammar, and punctuation.  If in doubt, have a trusted friend review it before you make it active.
2. Please honest in your profile.  People can make themselves into anyone they want to be on-line.  If you fabricate who you are or what you like, when you meet someone in person, it will become apparent rather quickly that who you are in reality does not match who you are on-line.
3. If you have kids, say so.
4. Include a current, clear, decent picture.  Seriously, this is on-line dating.  No one is going to buy merchandise without seeing what it looks like first.  When you are shopping on-line for clothes, electronics, shoes, tools, etc., would you buy something you couldn't see?
• Note here - pictures should be clear, and CURRENT.  That picture from high school or from 20 years ago when you had hair are obviously old.  It will become apparent when you meet in person that you don't look like your profile picture.  See #2 above.
5. If someone "winks" at you, sends you an email, or initiates communication, respond in some way.  It takes only 2 seconds to click the link to send a polite "no thank you", or to click the link to archive the person.
• Think about it - do you like it when you leave a message, text, or email for someone and they never respond?  I didn't think so.  So, take 2 seconds to say no thank you if you aren't interested.
6. If you are communicating with a match and then decide you aren't interested or don't want to communicate any longer - be the adult that you are, and say so.  It takes only a minute to write a polite email saying thank you, but I don't think we are a match, and good luck with your search.
• A good example of this is from a recent match I'll call S.  S and I exchanged a few emails and seemed to have a lot in common.  After the 3rd or 4th email, I hadn't heard back from him in a few days.  A few days later, I received an email that said, "This a very difficult email to send because I really liked your responses, but I don't think it's fair to just hang out and not respond ... I actually met someone I'd like to pursue further. I don't know if it will work out, and I guess another course of action would be to not tell you this, keep pursuing, and find out who I liked more ... but that's really not my style. I'm simple, can't multi-task for shit, and don't think it's a fair or responsible way to go through life anyway. ... not a judgment, it's just the way I am. Like I said, I don't know if it will work out, but I didn't want you thinking that I just stopped responding because I didn't care.  Anyway, like I said, it's just not in my nature to leave things unspoken, or to try dating more than one person at a time. I hope you understand."
• It sucked a little (for me) that he met someone else and wanted to pursue it further, but that was remedied by the fact that he took a few minutes to let me know what was going on.
7. If you make plans to meet up, show up on time.  If you aren't interested or don't want to stay, or see that person again, just say so politely and then take your leave.
• I'll use one example from this past weekend that happened to a friend I will call Sparkles.  Sparkles had been texting and talking daily with this great guy.  They decided to meet up on Saturday night.  Guy was 3 hours late with no explanation.  Met Sparkles for 5 minutes, and then disappeared.  She texted him to ask if he had left and he responded that he had because of a "911 call from his brother."  They exchanged a few more texts, he said he'd call her later & that they would have coffee the next day & nada.  Sparkles was very upset.  He could have softened the blow some by telling her he had to leave, and then actually following through when he said he'd call her later.  If he wasn't interested, he could have just said so instead of behaving like an imbecile.
• An example from my adventures happened a few years ago.  After several emails and 2 phone conversations, I met this guy at the Academy of Science for one of their Thursday night events.  He was 20 mins late.  When he finally arrived, we had a drink and talked a little.  About 35 mins later, he stood right in my face, said that he didn't think there was any chemistry between us and that he was leaving.  He did an about face and literally walked right out of the Academy.  I was standing there a little dumbfounded.  I completely agree that there was no chemistry or interest there for me either, but come on - do you need to be that rude and abrupt in your departure?

I guess to sum it all up, be a decent human being.  Be true to yourself.  Be respectful of others.  Treat others how you want to be treated.

What do you think?