Shacking up!!!

So, I had a BIG day yesterday.  Well, the "bigness" (and not Carrie's Mr. Big), began earlier this year.  Well, actually, in November of last year to be precise.  How does an event in November culminate into BIGNESS yesterday?  I'll tell you, in the most abbreviated, yet still relevant way that I can.

Last November, my job was "eliminated".  It was a huge shock, as I had been with that employer for nearly 13 years.  13 YEARS!  I freaked out for a bit, decided not to officially look for a new job until January, and just went with the funemployment.  About a month before me, Molecule's job was also eliminated after about 11 years with his employer.  He had already been preparing for a career and job-change, and his layoff just accelerated the change for him.  For me, I just needed to find a job.

So, in January, I hit the craigslist pavement.  One of the jobs I was interviewing for was in Palo Alto - about 45 minutes south of San Francisco.  I have no desire to be stuck in my car on the freeway to drive to my job, so after I was called back for a 2nd interview there, I brought up to Molecule the thought of living together if I got this job.  Honestly, that was the next logical "step" for us, and during our funemployments, we were practically living together already, so the cohabitation discussion didn't come up purely out of needing a convenient place to live if I took a job in Palo Alto.  We talked about it (a little awkwardly at first), but we got through the discussions, and Molecule was on board.  I didn't end up getting that job (thankfully), so we didn't need to take the plunge right then and there.

A few months later, Molecule found an amazing job doing something meaningful.  And, about a month after that, I found a job too - in San Francisco.  It was a big shock to me to go from seeing Molecule almost every day & night, to being able to see him pretty much only on the weekends.  I remember one particular Sunday right after I started work.  I was at Molecule's place in Palo Alto, and had to drive home so I could get up in the morning and go to work in San Francisco.  As we were bringing my things down to my car, I started crying.  I felt like an idiot, but couldn't help it.  The main reason was that I felt like we were taking a step backward, and I didn't like not seeing him at all during the week.  Normally Molecule would spend Wednesday nights with me in SF, but with the new job and all, he hadn't really been doing that, and wasn't planning to for a while.  So, basically we could see each other maybe Friday nights, and Saturday nights, and Sunday days.  It sucked, and I was upset about it.  I asked if he would spend Wednesday night at my place that week, and he basically said he couldn't because he had an early meeting on Thursday, and didn't want to have to fight traffic and potentially be late to the meeting.  So, we talked a little and came up with some options that we could both do to help us see each other during the week.  Mainly me taking CalTrain down to his place after work and spending the night there, and then taking CalTrain back to San Francisco in the morning to go to work.  And, when his early Thursday meeting was changed to a later time sometime in July or so, he would start spending Wednesdays at my place again.

That Wednesday night he was going to stop by after his class in San Francisco, but not stay over.  I was looking forward to seeing him, but not looking forward to his not spending the night.  When he arrived that night, he had a bag with him.  I asked him what it was for.  He said he thought about it and decided that he could make more of an an effort too to see me during the week.  That small gesture solidified even more why I love him.  It meant the world to me.

So, fast forward a couple of months.  We are both settling into our new jobs, and our routines.  He is back to spending Wednesdays at my place, and I am staying at his place a night or 2 during the week and taking CalTrain to work.  It it hard, but it works, mostly.  I find it difficult to plan ahead what I will need for a weekend in Palo Alto, and what to wear to work on Mondays to give to Molecule on Thursday mornings to take home with him so I don't have to lug a bag of stuff with me on the train.  I also find it difficult to grocery shop on a regular basis when I'm not really home at my place on a regular basis.  One month, we were at my place for 3 weekends, and Molecule started to complain about the packing, and going back & forth between places.  It was funny - until then he had no idea why I was grumbling about packing bags, planning outfits, etc.

It was about that time that we started looking at places to live together in Palo Alto.  We saw a few places that were nice, but not for us.  The amazing thing about this process was that Molecule was more or less driving it.  He would email me links to places and ask me what I thought about them.  He was taking an active role in looking for apartments.  That's another reason why I love him - he wasn't a passive participant in this, and was, in fact, driving the process.

We each had our "laundry lists" of what we wanted in a place.  I wanted a 2-bedroom for sure - that was my main thing.  Laundry on-site, parking, a bigger kitchen.  After looking at one particular 2-bedroom place that we liked, but didn't love, that was also available immediately, we talked about timing for us to move in together.  After some discussion, we agreed that by the end of September we'd like to be in a place together.  We agreed that we would keep looking at places to help narrow down neighborhoods we liked, and features that we liked.  And, if we found that "perfect" place that was available sooner, we could accelerate our timeline.

And just like that, POOF!, we basically said that we would be living together by September!  Crazy.  So, we continued to look at places.  And investigate places, and weren't having much luck.  We saw postings on craigslist that were amazing, but then when we called on them, the people never called back.  Molecule was getting frustrated and concerned that we wouldn't find a good place, and questioned whether we could live together at his place.  I agreed that we could, for a short amount of time, but definitely would need more space soon.  So, with the comfort of knowing we could stay in his place if needed, we kept looking.

One day, Molecule emailed me a link to an add from craigslist for a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom place, with laundry IN THE UNIT!!!, a fireplace, 2 car secured underground parking, and a balcony, and I was interested!  It sounded great, and ironically was in a complex that Molecule mentioned, before we even were thinking of moving in together, that he always wanted to live in.  We emailed the person who posted the add about when the unit was being shown, and asked if we needed to bring anything with us to the showing.  The guy emailed us a link to the application (though he said he would have some available at the showing), and gave us the showing date & time.  We filled out the extensive applications (we wanted to be prepared), and went to the open house.  When we got there, there were about 6 other people looking at the unit and filling out applications.  The place was AMAZING!  We loved it immediately.  We had a little hushed conversation in one of the bedrooms, and both basically said at the same time that we loved it and wanted it.

So, we turned in our applications to the landlord, and had some conversation with him, to learn more about the apartment, and also to build some rapport with him.  Schmoozing is never a bad thing, right?  We left him with the applications, and went on our way, so excited at the prospect of getting that place, but nervous because so many people were there too.  We stopped by the market to get some milk and fruit, and I realized that I put the wrong number down for my monthly income.  I put my per paycheck income down, forgetting to double it because I get paid twice monthly.  We went back so I could update my application, and had the opportunity to talk with the landlord for a few more minutes.

Then, we waited.

On the 4th of July, Molecule suggested we send an email to the landlord saying we were ready to write a check for the security deposit and first three months of rent.  Molecule was really hot for this apartment!  So, we emailed the landlord with that, and to check on the progress he was making with the stack of applications he received for the apartment.  He responded later that evening that he would probably make a decision in the next day or so.  The 5th of July, we got word from the landlord that we won the apartment!!!!!!!  Molecule and I were in a state of excited shock!  This moving in together concept was all of a sudden completely real and imminent.  Here's where it gets crazy.

We were under the impression that the unit wasn't available until August, as the exterior of the building is being redone and won't be finished until August.  But, as it turns out the unit was available right away, and the landlord wanted tenants in ASAP.  So, Molecule and I had a quick decision to make.  We asked for 24 hours so we could talk to our current landlords and make sure we could get out of our existing leases, and then would tell the new landlord.  So, Molecule and I looked into things, and figured out that we could get out of our existing apartments, and decided to do it!  I called the new landlord back the next day and said very enthusiastically that yes, we would like the apartment, and can move in now.  He hesitated for a minute and said that he now had to decide who to give it to, because he called the 2nd runner up because he wasn't sure if Molecule and I would come through.  I said, "Landlord (obviously not his real name), Molecule and I gave our notice to our current apartments yesterday."  Landlord said, "Well, I had to cover my bases because I need a tenant right away."  I said, "Yesterday you agreed to give us 24 hours to make sure we could get out of our current leases."  Landlord said, "I know.  Ok, you & Molecule can have it."  I literally almost had a heart attack.  Literally.  My heart was pounding.

But we got it!!!!!!!!  And, had to move in before the end of July.  It was July 6th the day we agreed to take the apartment.

Oh my god!  I was excited and freaking out at the same time.  One can never fully prepare for a move, certainly not me.  I have a lot of crap, and stuff, and crap, and stuff.  Too much.  I don't know how it all fit into my small 1-bedroom apartment, but it did.  The prospect of sorting, packing, and moving it all was completely overwhelming to me.  Thank god for movers & packers.

They came to my apartment in San Francisco at 8:30am yesterday, and finished unloading the truck in Palo Alto at 6:30pm yesterday.  In 10.5 hours 5 guys who kept calling each other "pinche" and didn't think I understood everything else they were saying in Spanish, moved almost all of my stuff 45 minutes south to Palo Alto.

Molecule and I officially live together!!!  Except, Molecule isn't in California at the moment, due to a pre-planned trip.  And, he won't officially move his things to the new apartment until next Saturday, and I won't stay there without him, so I'm staying at his place.  And, I still have a few things in my San Francisco apartment (I don't need to be officially out of there until next Saturday).  Wow, I'm a 3-apartment girl right now (my SF place, Molecule's place, and our new place)!  I guess this is what real estate moguls feel like!



Living in sin?  No way.  Nope.  Not even remotely close.

I get to go to bed and wake up every day next to the person that I love.  We get to make a home and start the next chapter of our lives together, in one place, under one roof.  I don't think it gets any better than this...  Seriously.

The 100th Monkey effect

So, I had an acupuncture appointment last week, and my wonderful and amazing acupuncturist was telling me about a speaker she hosted over the weekend.  This speaker, Oberom, shared his thoughts on the process of breaking limiting belief patterns and living in loving awareness.  I didn't attend his workshops, but heard about them during my treatment.  My acupuncturist, I'll call her Triathlete, told me that Oberom brought her to tears when describing the 100th monkey effect and how it can impact humans.  For more on this, click here, and here, and here.

I have never heard of this 100th monkey effect, so I asked Triathlete to tell me about it.  She said, basically, that some researchers in Japan were observing monkeys eating sweet potatoes.  The researchers would toss sweet potatoes to monkeys on this one specific island.  The monkeys ate the sweet potatoes that were covered in sand from where the researchers tossed them.  Then, one young monkey had the idea to wash the sweet potato before eating it.  This monkey taught this behavior to other monkeys in the group.  Soon, many many monkeys were washing their sweet potatoes before eating them.  Then before the researchers knew it, almost 100 monkeys were observed washing their sweet potatoes.  Then presto! change-o! monkeys on other islands were suddenly washing their food before eating it.  This "100th monkey effect" purports that the idea to wash food before eating it reached a critical mass, and the idea became "energy" or "awareness" that was floating around "out there" and suddenly all of the other monkeys picked up on it.

Triathlete told me that Oberom used this theory in his discussion about a theoretical / fictional homeless person sitting on the street.  What if there was a homeless person sitting on a corner somewhere, struggling with some kind of addiction.  Every day people walk by this person and think negative thoughts about him/her.  But what if one day, one person who walked by thought, "wow, wouldn't it be great if that homeless person got help, and pulled themselves into a better situation."  What if the next day, someone else thought something positive about that homeless person.  Then, the next day someone else thought something positive, and the next day, and the next day, and the next, until almost 100 people thought something nice about this homeless person.  Then, one day, the homeless person got up and was walking toward a treatment center to finally get the help he/she needed.  Then, just as the homeless person was about to get to the center, someone walked by and thought something negative about the homeless person, and that destroyed the motivation he/she had to get help.  Imagine if that last person who walked by thought something positive, and that was the 100th monkey effect propelling this homeless person to get help.

I'm not sure I buy into this 100th anything effect creating a critical mass of idea-energy and others instantaneously picking up on it, but it got me thinking.  How could this "effect" or idea have an impact on dating, on people, on life?

Trying something new, adopting a new behavior or belief, speaking out for or against something, can be greatly influenced by those around us.

Imagine a person being bullied.  If one, then another, then another, then another person stuck up for that bullied person, could a critical mass be reached where that person is no longer bullied?

Imagine if a serial dater or a serial hook-up-er picked up on the wishes of the people they serially dated or hooked-up with.  Imagine if the wishes of those people were that the serial dater/hook-up-er would finally commit.  If those wishes reached a critical mass for the serial dater/hook-up-er, maybe their behavior would change, and they would finally be able to commit or have a serious, monogamous, long-term relationship.

Imagine if guys everywhere miraculously stopped observing the 3-day rule before calling a girl for a 2nd date, and started asking them out for a 2nd date on the 1st date?  It might take more than 100 guys doing this to reach critical mass to change behaviors everywhere.  But it could start with just one guy making a change.

Imagine if dating people told the people they dated honestly and openly if they weren't interested in going on another date.  How much heartache would that cure?

I guess, for me, it boils simply down to treating other people the way you want to be treated.  I, personally, like people to be nice to me.  I don't like to be yelled at, given "attitude", disrespected, ignored, bullied, pressured, lied to, etc.  I try, and work hard, to treat people (some of whom aren't as deserving as others) the way I want to be treated.  Sometimes it comes naturally because the person is treating me the way I want to be treated, so it is easy to treat them the same.  Sometimes, it is not nearly as easy.  That person who is tailgating you.  That person who is rude to you.  That person who is disrespectful.  That guy who didn't call.  It would be so very easy to treat them exactly how they are treating you.  But, maybe, just maybe you can be the first monkey to wash that sweet potato before eating it.  It's something new.  It isn't accepted (yet).   People might look at you funny.  People might think you are strange or crazy.  But if you exhibit a behavior, and someone emulates you.  Then another, then another, then another, and another emulate you too, before you know it, you might be the inspiration for a sea change in the world.  Or just maybe a small change.  But change, is change, and it needs to start somewhere. 

All of this reminds me a little of a commercial I see on TV periodically.  It is for an insurance company, and it illustrates people helping people, and inspiring others to do the same - click here.

What can you take away from my ramblings tonight - be nice to people.  Sometimes it might be easier not to be nice.  But, don't take the easy way out.  Just be nice, even if it is hard.

Until next time...  As Ted said, in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, "Be excellent to each other."