Adventure tale #5
In the spirit of St. Patrick's day, I thought I'd share my Irish history.
I met Irish (obviously not his real name) on eHarmony in February 2010, part-way through the Chef catastrophe (click here to read about Chef if you haven't already). Chef told me that I could date other people while he was overly busy with his fraudulent restaurant empire, and that he knew he would "win me back." So, somewhat reluctantly at first, I continued perusing my eHarmony matches, and reached out to several. One of those matches was Irish. Irish was about 3 years older than me, lived about 5 minutes away from me, and ran his own financial consulting and investing business.
We went through the eHarmony guided communication process pretty quickly, and once we reached the email stage, we exchanged a few texts while trying to find a time when we could meet. We had tentative plans a few times but had to reschedule due to flight delays, flus, other plans, etc. Finally, we found an evening that worked for us both, and we met made plans to meet for drinks (in March). I was quite nervous to be going out on a date when I was otherwise somewhat delusionally involved with someone else. My sister, Sugarcoat, hounded me and hounded me not to put all of my eggs in Chef's basket, and to definitely go out with Irish. My communications with him prior to meeting in person were great. He seemed funny, interesting, and cool. He also actually called me, texted me, and reached out to me (completely opposite of Chef who wouldn't call, wouldn't email, and wouldn't make plans with me.) The night that I was set to meet Irish for a drink, I was talking with my sister and bemoaning the fact that I hadn't heard from Chef in a few days, and was kind of sad about that. She basically yelled at me (from a place of love though) and told me to forget about Chef for one night at a minimum, and let myself have fun with Irish. So, off to my date I went.
I met Irish at a bar on West Portal. He was definitely cuter in person than in his pictures. He was funny, the conversation flowed really well, and I had a great time. I even forgot a little about Chef. Two drinks and 3 hours later, we decided to call it a night - it was a "school" night after all, and we both had to work in the morning. So, he walked me to my car, gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek, and said he'd talk to me soon.
About 20 minutes later, I got a text from him. Here is our exchange:
Irish: "I really enjoyed meeting you. Would you be up for getting together again soon?"
Me: "Hey Irish - it was great to meet you too! I would definitely be up for getting together again!"
Irish: "Maybe Sunday night we could grab dinner? Thoughts?"
Me: "Sunday sounds great. Thoughts on a place / type of food?"
Irish: "Do you like Sushi? Ever been to Koo on Irving?"
Me: "LOVE sushi! Koo - I've been there once and it didn't disappoint. Just let me know what time."
Irish: "Thinking 7? Does that work? Btw- Spring forward on Sat night. Love it- the sun will be out later"
Me: "7 works great. Can't believe we are springing fwd so early... BTW-bummed because my hair appt just got cancelled. Saves me a trip downtown in the rain though."
Irish: "Oh no- I'm to be subjected to the same hair as yesterday? ;)"
Me: "Sorry to disappoint. I will wear different shoes then..."
Irish: "But I love the ruby slippers!" (note here - I wore red patent leather wedges on our first date - he even remarked about them on the date. What guy notices shoes? It made me smile.)
Me: "Me too! Be honored that you were the first to see them."
The day before our dinner date he asked it I wanted to meet him at the restaurant, or if I would like him to pick me up. I agreed for him to pick me up, and he was right on time. We drove down to the restaurant. He opened the car door for me, opened the restaurant door for me, etc. He even made a reservation! So, we have dinner - food was great, conversation was great, the whole evening was great. He picks up the tab (I offered to pay my part, he declined the offer). He drove me home. We talked for a few minutes in the car, then he got out, opened my door, helped me out of the seat, and we hugged, and kissed a little.
After he left, I texted him: "Thanks for a nice evening and a yummy dinner!"
Irish: "You're welcome! I especially liked the kiss goodnight ;)"
We exchanged a few more texts over the next couple of days. Then he was off to a last-minute trip to Paris. We agreed that we'd get together when he got back. We had tentative plans for the Friday after he returned. I needed it to be an early night because of a stair-climbing race I was doing the next day. As it turned out he had some friends in town and they were going to go out on the town that night. So, we rescheduled for lunch after my race on Saturday. He picked me up, and we went for lunch at Park Chow. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day. So, after lunch, we went down to Ocean Beach, and walked along the beach. Where we stopped to turn around, he basically grabbed me and kissed me! It was pretty awesome! We kissed a little, then turned around and went back to his car. As he was driving me home, I mentioned that I wanted to see his place. So, we stopped by there on the way home. He showed me around (it was really great). It was funny, because he barely stood near me while we were there. I was a little curious about that, but let it go. So, he drops me off at home, and we ended up making out like teenagers in his car in front of my apartment. It was pretty comical now that I look back on it.
I texted him a little later that day, "Thanks for the kisses today (and for lunch too). I had a great time."
Irish responded: "Absolutely! It was everything I could do to not touch you inappropriately but I think I did well ;) see you soon." (guess he didn't think he could resist temptation by being too near me in his own house...)
I was traveling the next week for work, so we agreed to get together again when I got home. We exchanged a few short texts when I was gone.
When I returned from my trip, I called him, got his VM, and left a message basically saying I was home, and asked if he would like to get together soon. He texted me back 2 or 3 days later saying he was out of town, but home the next day and would call me. He never did. Ever.
So, I thought that Irish was history. I was a little miffed at what happened. We had a great time together, good conversation, good chemistry, etc. But poof - he disappeared off the face of the planet. When wondering aloud with some girlfriends what happened to him, my friend Sparkles said that when guys disappear, she likes to imagine that they died. That way she doesn't have to wonder why they aren't responding - they can't because they are dead. That gave me quite a laugh...
So, fast forward a few months (from April to July). I was at the Blackthorn Tavern at the celebration for the new owners with my friend Mix, and in walks Irish. Mix and I were sitting at the back of the bar, and I saw him immediately when he walked in... I was kind of freaking out - what do I do, what do I say... He saw me too, and walked right over to say hi. We ended up talking for about 2 hours. I asked him what happened, and why he disappeared. He told me he got busy, his brother's son had an accident, his mother had double hip or knee replacement or something, and he really really meant to call me but when more and more time passed, he felt he couldn't reach out for fear of looking like an asshole. I basically told him he already looked like an asshole because he disappeared without a word at all... Well, we talked a little more, and then he walked me to my car. He said that he was actually hoping to run into me that night, and that we should get together again soon. I said that I would like that... We ended up making out on Judah Street for a few minutes before I drove home.
Well, surprise surprise, I didn't really hear from him again for the plans we made for the next week. Like the glutton for punishment that I am sometimes (ok, a lot of the time), I texted him the following week when I was in So Cal with my family. We exchanged a few texts and made plans for when I got back. Big shocker, he didn't call me or text me with the place or time to meet. I didn't text him to ask what the issue was. Poof, Irish was history. Again.
Fast forward to this January. Chef is fully out of the picture. Things with District ended (I have yet to share that adventure), and I was hanging out with friends, back on eHarmony perusing matches. I kind of kept wondering what happened to Irish. He was a cool guy, good conversation, great chemistry. But he kept disappearing. Well, again the glutton for punishment I am, I decided to text him to say hi and ask how he was doing. He responded and we had a frenzied text exchange that ended with me calling him so we could end the rapid-fire back and forth texts. It was a Friday night. He asked me out for a drink that night. I agreed to go. He picked me up, we went to a pub and caught up. We had a great time.
He drives me home, and big shocker, made out in my driveway (we never had a shortage of chemistry). We made plans for that Sunday. So, Sunday arrives, I text him, and he responds back that he isn't feeling well (read - hung over from wine tasting in Napa the day before) and that he wants to get together mid-week. I say fine and hydrate and rest. So, I hadn't heard him come Wednesday, and was going to text him that evening. He beat me to it.
Irish: "Hey- wanted to let you know I'm likely to disappear again. It's not you but I'm just not feeling I have what it takes to be in a relationship. I didn't want to lead you on and have us get too physical if I wasn't going to be there in the end. I know we could be good friends at some point but I know we are both not really looking for friends at this time. I wish you only the best."
Um, ok. At least he didn't disappear without a trace again.
Moral of the story - if someone disappears once, that sucks. If they disappear twice, that sucks more, and is indicative of a pattern of behavior that will most likely be repeated again. If they disappear three times, I'm the fool for finding them again and should have expected it. But hey, it makes for a good Irish history lesson, right?
Happy St. Patrick's day. Enjoy your Guinness, wearing green, and everything Irish. But, be safe and don't drive drunk!
Until next time...
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