Even more on-line dating etiquette: part 3

So, I've written a few times about my thoughts and ideas on on-line dating etiquette (click here for part 1 and click here for part 2).  It's amazing to me at what some people consider an actual dating profile.  One word answers and bullshit information that doesn't give anyone any sense of who the person is does not a profile make.  If you are paying for an on-line dating service, why not make the most of it?

And profile pictures, don't even get me started.  I pulled this gem off of a profile a while back.  I was quite stymied.

Seriously.  This was the guy's ONLY picture on his profile.  So, what guy is it?  The blurry guy?  The partially obstructed guy next to the blurry guy?  Or the miniscule guy behind the partially obstructed guy next to the blurry guy?  Better yet, my money is on the guy who took this masterpiece.  Yep, he's so good you can't even see him.

Another profile picture gripe is using a picture that is so not current.  I saw one a long time ago that was so obviously from the mid-1980s - super short too tight shorts, a polo shirt, and a mullet.  Eeeew.  I mean, please guys (and girls).  Pictures should illustrate what you actually look like in this decade, preferably in the current year.  Please stop trying to live in the past.  We can tell when an old picture is scanned.

In my opinion, another photo no-no is using pictures of you with a person of the opposite sex.  You are hopefully on these web-sites to meet someone of the opposite sex.  Don't pose with one in your profile pictures.  Even if it is your "sister," "cousin," etc.  Kind of a turn off.  We can also tell when you crop out other girls / guys from your pictures.

Something else that irks me about profile pics is when people post pictures of their pets.  I think it is great that you have a 4-legged companion.  But, we're here to meet you, not your dog, cat, horse, fish, rabbit, etc.

Be honest.  Post a real picture of YOU.  It will become very clear very quickly if we ever meet in person that the person in your picture isn't you, or isn't you right now.

Regarding the actual profile text...  Yes, each site is slightly different in set-up, but bottom line, you need to provide information about you that hopefully is honest, interesting, funny, and eye catching so that other people want to get to know more about you.  Writing profiles can sometimes be challenging and difficult, but it doesn't have to be.  Ask your friends for help.  Ask your family members for help.  Ask someone for help.  Don't just write one word.  Or don't write nothing.  Please. 

My sister, Sugar Coat, is a genius at spicing up dating profiles.  A while back she gave mine the one over.  She didn't write it for me, but took what I already wrote and spiced it up a little, rejuvenated it, freshened it up.

For example, my answer to "the first thing people notice about me" was "I'm really not sure - you tell me!"  BORING.

My spiced-up answer was, "My round-off back hand-spring triple twisting triple layout… then my smile and my sparkling personality, of course."  SPICY.  And, completely honest.  I did gymnastics for 10 years.  Granted, I can't currently do a round-off back hand-spring triple twisting triple layout, but at one time, I could actually do a round-off back hand-spring back flip.  Can't do it any more, but I could do it at one time.

My answer to "the last book I read and enjoyed" was, "One of my favorite books is Catch 22 - read it a very long time ago, but it resonated with me. Cause & effect / what do you do / how do you react? Quite interesting. Loving Stieg Larsson's Trilogy - Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Girl Who Played with Fire, and just started Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. Love Vince Flynn, Michael Connelly, Charlaine Harris, Orson Scott Card. Basically love to read."  All true.  I love to read.  The answer was true to me, but not noteworthy.

My spiced up answer was, "Seriously? How much time do you have? I LOVE reading.   Some favorite authors are Vince Flynn, Michael Connelly, and Kathy Reichs."  SPICY.  Still all true, still "me."  I love to read.  I have at least one book going at any given time, and sometimes two.

Sugarcoat worked some of her spicy magic on a good friend's profile.  My favorite line from the spiced up version is this, "So basically, if you are a quiet homebody who hates sports, we are probably soul mates."  I was literally laughing out loud when I read this.  It really speaks to her personality, and is super funny.  Very much her.

Bottom line, spend a little bit of time on your profile.  Let your personality shine through.  Use actual sentences.  Use spell check.  Ask someone to proof read it for you.  No one is perfect, and we all have the occasional typo here and there.  But, come on, if your profile is littered with errors, it is probably garbage.

Shameless plug time.  For my fellow on-line daters, or prospective on-line daters, if you would like some spicing up of your on-line dating profile, Sugarcoat may be able to help you out...  Sugarcoat is also an excellent photographer.  If you are in the Los Angeles area, and are in need of some AMAZING pictures that actually look like you and are current, drop her a line.  You won't be disappointed.  Send her an email here: spicyprofiles@gmail.com

Until next time, stay classy, stay real, stay you!  You are amazing just the way you are! 

Fun with Science! - Part 3

Adventure tale #11 (maybe the best one yet...)

So, I've written about my adventures with Molecule a few times (click here for part 1 and here for part 2).  If you don't want to read, or re-read those posts - here's Molecule in a nut shell:

• Met in February on eHarmony - really nice guy
• Always pays the bill despite my MANY offers to pay
• Saw Avenue Q with me and a few friends for our 5th date (I snuck and paid for dinner)
• Calls when he says he'll call
• Continues to ask me on dates
• A few sleep overs (but didn't go all the way)
• Came to watch the SF Ballet perform with me (and liked it)

The last adventure with Molecule that I wrote about was in late March and covered the SF Ballet date, which, when reminiscing, still brings a smile to my face.  About a week later, we had another date scheduled for a Friday.  I was going to meet him at his place for dinner and then watch a movie.  We hadn't talked about having a sleep over, but I wanted to be prepared for it in the event that I did stay at his place.  I packed a little "go bag" with tooth brush, some make-up, an outfit for the next day, and something to sleep in.  As I'm about to leave for his place, I texted him to let him know I was on my way.  He called me right back and we spoke for a few minutes.  He told me that he'd been thinking about it and thought that we should not have a sleep over that night because he was tired, getting over a sinus infection, and "didn't sleep that well next to" me yet.  I was a little taken aback, but let him know that it was fine, and that it wasn't a big deal.  It was slightly irksome to me - why wouldn't he want to spend the night with me???  So, I left my "go bag" at home and went down to his place.  We went to dinner and then back to his place to watch a movie.  Movie watching didn't happen because a major make-out session did.  It was GREAT!  But, at around 1:30am, I saw the time and said that I needed to get going if I wasn't allowed to stay (a subtle [or not so subtle] hint for him to invite me to stay).  It didn't work.  So, I got my stuff together and he walked me to my car.  Molecule held my hand the entire way, and hugged and kissed me and whispered in my ear that he knew it was hard (for me to leave, I guess) and that we were doing the right thing.  Regardless, I drove home (arrived at 2:15am) and called to let him know I'd made it safely, and went to sleep.  Great date, but a little frustrating about the non-sleep-over thing.  I even asked him about it when I was there...  I said, "I know you've said that you don't sleep well next to me yet a few times now.  Is that something we'd like to get better at?"  He said, "Of course I do.  That's the goal, right?"  I said, "I hope so."  We talked a little more about it, and I told him that it is hard for me to sleep well next to another person too.  He said that sometimes he gets caught up in the snuggling (he's a great snuggler) and forgets to sleep, then doesn't want the girl to get mad when he does turn over to go to sleep.  I told him that I love the snuggling too, but that we both need to sleep, so there's no issue for me in actually doing that.  We all need sleep.

The next week I had a business trip mid-week, and then a weekend trip as well, so we didn't see each other.  But we spoke a few times, and after each one of my flights, he checked to make sure I made it to my destination safely.  It was really cute...  These 4 flights took place right at the time that Southwest was having their planes inspected because of the one flight that had a hole in the cabin.  I was a little nervous to fly (and I'm not a nervous flier.)  My parents even called the night before one of my flights to see if I was still taking it, which made me even more nervous.  My dad is a pilot, and if he didn't want me to fly, then it probably wasn't such a good idea.  Parents and Molecule reassured me that I'd be fine.  Right before my first flight, Molecule texted me and told me to have a safe flight and to let him know when I landed so he could tell me I told you so.  I did land safely, and called rather than texted.  When he answered, he said "I told you so."  I replied, "Well, I'm actually contacting you from the afterlife.  Sorry."  He said, "Can you tell me the winning lotto numbers, please?"  I remarked, "No can do, sorry.  They made us sign a non-disclosure agreement upon arrival..."  It was a cute conversation.

The next week was a bit rough for me.  About 3 weeks prior, I bought 4 new tires for my car.  I went for a run early one morning before work, and walked by my car, parked in my carport directly under my apartment, and found that some sketchy individual(s) stole one of my 3-week old tires. 

Seriously.  My car was up on a crate.  I was kind of freaked out, pissed, scared, etc.  Lots of emotions that morning.  I called my insurance company, they sent a tow truck, and took my car away.  I emailed Molecule to tell him what happened.  He agreed that it sucked, and asked if he could help in any way.  I said I wanted a hug.  He said he'd be happy to give me one later that night.  He called a little later that evening (before his class) and asked if I needed anything before he came by later.  I told him a cookie would make me feel a little better.  When he arrived, he pulled a cookie out of his pocket.  So sweet!  We shared it while sitting on the couch catching up.

We made plans for the following weekend.  He wanted to go to Amoeba for National Record Store day.  I made some dinner reservations at Grub (YUM!).  I dropped the hint that since he didn't have class the next week (so no paper due) that he might want to spend the night - get some "practice" in.  He said probably.  This whole sleep-over thing was starting to become a hard sell.  So, date night arrives, he comes over (with an overnight bag!!!), and we went to the record store.  Walked around on Haight Street.  Went into one store with some really strange crap - but really, what store on Haight Street doesn't have really strange crap?  We were joking around about what he could get me for my birthday...  I pointed out one thing (very sarcastically), and he said he had a lot of time to think about before my birthday (and recited the date - the actual correct date of my b-day).  How did he remember that?  I was impressed.  After walking around for a bit, we came back to my place.  Had a spare 20 minutes before needing to leave for dinner...  A lot of things (good!) can happen in 20 minutes.  I went to dinner with a grin on my face.  We came back here after dinner, had some more good things (but still not the best thing), and went to sleep.  Woke up in the morning, had a little breakfast (actual breakfast) in bed, and then he left around noon.

The following Wednesday, I had a fundraising event to attend for the organization I volunteer with.  I invited him to stop by after his class that night.  He told me that he actually didn't have class that night so he could go to the whole event!  I thought it was pretty great that he would drive 40 mins to SF specifically to go to this event with me and some friends.  The event was super fun.  We had a great time (of course).  My friends seemed to get along well with him.  He even bought a round of drinks for us all!

The next weekend was Easter, and his parents were supposed to come up for a visit.  I had a visit with family in Monterey for the weekend.  Closer to the weekend, he let me know his parents weren't coming after all.  He was a little bummed out about it.  I re-invited him to Monterey with me, and he politely declined.  He wanted to get some rest and relax.  But, we made arrangements to have dinner on Sunday - that I'd stop by his place on my way home.  I knew he looked forward to an Easter basket from his parents, so I bought a few little goodies and put together a mini basket for him.  He seemed to really like it.  We had a great dinner (and I got to pay!).  He was very reluctant about letting me pay, but finally acquiesced and let me.  It was cute.  We went back to his place after dinner and had some fun.  And to my surprise, he asked if I wanted to stay over!  I told him that if he really wanted me to that I would.  He told me that he wouldn't have invited me if he didn't want me to stay.  So, needless to say, I stayed over.  And, we actually slept well next to each other!!!  I drove home super early on Monday.  He called me that night, and Tuesday.  And, he stopped by on Wednesday after his class!  He sequestered himself that weekend to write a paper.  But, stopped by after class the following week, and made plans with me for the weekend.

So, the weekend plans - this past weekend.  He invited me down to his place on Saturday for dinner and a sleep-over.  He said he even got me something!  A surprise?  I asked him what it was and he said it wouldn't be a surprise if he told me...  Then we joked that he got me a pink sparkly pony!  It was funny.  So, I drive down there on Saturday evening.  Wore a cute outfit (white jeans, taupe high heels, royal purple silk tank top, gold necklace, gray leather jacket).  I got there, and put my stuff down.  We chatted for a few minutes, then he wanted to give me my surprise.  We went out on his balcony, and he said he was very sorry but that my sparkly pink pony escaped and he couldn't find her...  Boo.  But then he handed me a little plant that he thought I'd like - it was a chocolate mint plant.  He said it reminded him of me because I love mint-n-chip ice cream.  So sweet!  We went to dinner (he paid), and then as we are leaving he says he has something planned for after dinner.  We went to this fabulous sculpture garden - was really pretty and romantic!  After we walked around for a little, we went back to his place.

We lit some candles, had some wine, a really good time, and lots of smiles.  We did manage to actually get some sleep.  In the morning, we had another really good time, and then some good snuggles.  I finally got the courage to ask if he was dating anyone else.  He said no - that's not how he roles.  He asked if I was, and I said no.  I asked if he wanted to date anyone else, he said no.  He asked if I wanted to date anyone else, and I said no.  He said, "should we just date each other?"  I said, "I'd like that."  So, whew.  That went the way I wanted it to.  Then I said, "So, there's one more follow-up question I have."  He said, "Oh boy."  I said, "It's not bad.  But does this mean you are my boyfriend?"  He said, "Yes."  I said, "Happy."  Then we kissed.

It's official, I changed my Facebook status today to:

 


Driving home on Sunday, I was giddy, still am.

What does this mean for my "Single in SF: Adventures in Dating" blog?  Well, I've still got many adventures to share in my journey to now.  And, I have a lot of friends who have had many many adventures in dating.  I'll be tapping them for some of their stories.  They've got some good ones.  Remember Bottomless Sundays?  There are more where that came from...

Until next time...

I'm sure I'll still be smiling and having more fun with Science!