Fun with Science! - Part 2

Adventure tale #6

So, I wrote about my first few dates with Molecule a few weeks ago (Fun with Science - Part 1 - click here).  We have continued to see each other, and are having a lot of fun!

On our second date, he mentioned something about a play called Avenue Q.  I actually saw that play a few years ago and laughed so hard, I almost peed in my pants.  I told him I had heard of it, and was planning to go see it with a few friends.  I asked if he was interested in coming along.  He was.  So, a few days later, I bought tickets for him, me, and a few friends.  Avenue Q is a musical aimed at adults.  There are actual people on stage along with puppets.  There is a Gary Coleman character, as well as puppet monsters.  They sing songs such as "What do you do with a BA in English," "Everyone's a little bit racist," and "The internet is for porn," among many others that are equally hilarious.  Check it out if you have the opportunity, it doesn't disappoint.

So, our 5th date was going to be dinner and Avenue Q.  Molecule came over around 4:45pm, we hung out a bit while I finished getting ready, then headed out for dinner.  As always, he walked on the outside, and held my hand or had his arm around me.  He opened all of the doors for me, and was just such a gentleman.  We took the bus to dinner at Farmer Brown.  I had a spare MUNI ticket for him, and planned the whole evening.  Dinner was super yummy.  I kind of snuck and paid for dinner - the check came while Molecule was in the restroom.  He came back as I was signing the check.  He asked what I was doing, and I said I was paying for dinner.  He kind of gave me a look like I shouldn't be doing that.  I smiled and said, "you can get it next time."  He kind of laughed and shook his head.  After dinner, we headed over to the Orpheum theater for the play.  We were meeting the girls there - Project Manager, Pole, and M.  Molecule and I went in and found our seats and talked a little while waiting for the girls.  They arrived, and as they schooched by Molecule to get to their seats, each introduced themselves.  It was cute.  We all talked a little until the show started.

Once it started, Molecule reached over and held my hand.  So cute and felt so great!  I really liked it!  During the intermission, Molecule and I went out to the lobby and chatted for a few minutes, stole a few little kisses, then went back to our seats and talked with the girls a little more until the show started again.  During the 2nd part of the show, Molecule was holding my hand again!  After it ended, he stepped out into the aisle, and let all of us out of the seats, and then followed us out of the theater.  We chatted a few minutes, then he and I went back to my place.  We had a great evening and sleep over (not too much funny business though, but just enough).  When we woke up in the morning (not early), we talked a little, snuggled a little, napped a little, then finally woke up and had breakfast in bed while watching the Laker's game.  A little while later, he had to get home, and I had an Oscar's party to get to.  So, somewhat reluctantly, we got up, got dressed, and he was on his way.

The next week, his parents were in town, so we weren't able to get together.  We talked a few times on the phone, and texted a little too.  The following week, he stopped by after school and we hung out for a few hours.  We made plans to hang out that Saturday afternoon / evening after I was finished with my volunteering commitment (I'm a mentor for at-risk youth living in SF).  We had planned to see the BodyWorks exhibit at a local museum (check it out).  Honestly, I was a little creeped out by the thought of seeing those preserved bodies, but thought that it could actually be quite interesting, and hopefully not at all smelly.  I'll try almost anything once, but not stinky things...  Molecule texted me Friday afternoon and asked me to call him.  I did, and he told me he wasn't feeling well and he wasn't sure about going to the museum on Saturday.  I suggested perhaps a mellow evening in - take-out dinner & a movie at his place (since he was sick, and we had planned on hanging out down there anyway)...  He thought he could handle that.  So, I went over there Saturday evening.  We talked, cuddled a little, got some dinner, and watched Middle Men (super funny movie if you haven't already seen it - Luke Wilson and Giovani Ribisi, among others.)  It was very challenging not to actually kiss - he was sick, and didn't want me to get sick.

As he walked me to my car that night, I suggested getting together for dinner the next Wednesday (he was going to be out of town that weekend.)  He suggested Thursday instead, and that worked for me.  He asked me to text him when I got home, which I did.  We talked once or twice during the week, and then met for dinner on St. Patty's day "in the middle."  We had tapas at this great place in Burlingame - super YUM food, and of course, great company.  He walked me to my car, and we kissed a little (ok, a lot - after all it had been about 2 weeks since we really kissed) in the parking lot before deciding to go back to his place for a little more private time.  A few shenanigans ensued, and I unexpectedly ended up staying there.  I got up early on Friday morning and drove home with a very large smile on my face (but not for the reasons you might be thinking...)  He called me Friday evening right before he left town.  Then, he called to say Hi on Tuesday, and to check in about our plans for that Friday.

So, a little background about our Friday plans he was checking on... About 2 weeks prior to this, I invited him to join me and my cousin at the San Francisco Ballet.  Me, my cousin, and a great friend get season tickets each year.  Sometimes one of us can't make a performance, so we then ask another friend to join us.  Molecule mentioned that he'd never been to the ballet, so I asked him if he'd like to check it out.  I think I said something like, "so, it is totally ok to say no, and no pressure at all, but I have an extra ticket to the ballet on the 25th and wanted to know if you were interested in coming with us."  He said that, yes, he'd like to check it out, and would pencil it in.  I took this to mean that he would let me know if he was a confirmed yes.  The following week he asked, "so, do I have to wear a suit to the ballet?"  I replied, "Oh, so you are coming?"  He said, "I thought I said yes."  I said, "I thought you were a tentative, because you said you'd pencil it in."  He said, "Oh, well, I do want to go."  I said, "Great!  I'm excited that you are coming.  And, no you don't need to wear a suit."  So, he was coming with me to the ballet!!!

So, fast forward to March 25th.  My cousin and I met for dinner, then walked over to the theater.  Molecule was invited to join us for dinner, but wasn't able to get up to SF in time, so elected just to meet us at the ballet.  My cousin went into the theater through the side door, and I walked around to the Van Ness entrance where Molecule was waiting.  He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, grabbed my hand, and then we walked into the theater.  Of course, he held the door for me, and let me walk in first.  We got our programs, and went to our seats.  He was looking around at all of the amazing details in the theater - it really is beautiful.  We go to our seats, took off our coats.  I commented that I thought he looked nice, and he said that I looked great too.  We sat down, I introduced him to my cousin, and we chatted for a few minutes until the performance started.  When it began, I leaned over for a little kiss, then he grabbed my hand and held it for the entire performance!  So sweet!  He hadn't noticed earlier that I was wearing fishnet stockings...  When he grabbed my hand, he was resting his hand on my knee.  He must have felt the stockings, because he let go of my hand, ran his hand down my leg, re-grabbed my hand, then whispered in my ear that he really liked my outfit (black silk tank top, black pencil skirt, black fishnets, black & silver mary-jane heels, a fitted gray cardigan, and a sparkly necklace)!  We chatted during each of the intermissions, stole a few little kisses, and it seemed like he was having a really nice time, as was I.

After the performance, he drove me home, and we hung out and made out for a while at my place.  Around 1:30am, he tucked me in and drove home...  Man, I wanted him to stay over.  He wanted me to get some "real sleep" because I had a stair-climbing race the following day (Saturday).  He didn't want me to be slow because of a lack of sleep.  So, Molecule tucked me in, turned off the light, gave me a kiss good night, went to the hall to put his shoes on, came back into my room, kissed me again, wished me luck for my race, told me to call him when I finished, and let himself out!  He texted when he got home, and wished me luck again, and said thanks for a great night!!!

I finished my race, not quite faster than last year's time...  This was kind of a unique race - climbing 1197 stairs (52 floors) and fundraising for the American Lung Association.  My goal was to finish in under 15 minutes - I didn't quite make it, but managed a 15 min and 54 second ascent!  I called him when I got home, he congratulated me, and then we talked for a few minutes.

As with each prior date, each subsequent date gives me a happy smile afterward, and Molecule continues to earn those valuable date points for gentlemanly behavior, following through, and genuinely being a pretty great and multi-faceted person.  He still always makes me laugh, always asks how I am, and I always have a fantastic time when we are together.  I also make him laugh, ask how he is, and hopefully he is having as good a time with me as I am having with him.  Conversation flows, there is good chemistry, and we always have a wonderful time together (I hope he feels the same way).

So, here's to more fabulous dates, big smiles, and good times on this Molecular adventure!!!

Until next time...

Some more on-line dating etiquette: part 2

I wrote one post already on some of my thoughts on on-line dating etiquette (click here to read).  I'd like to share a few more thoughts...

J from San Francisco sent me something called an "ice breaker" - it is a way to say "hi" without beginning the formal eHarmony communication process.  I reviewed his profile, and was somewhat intrigued.  When you receive an ice breaker, you can send another one back, or initiate communication.  So, I sent him the initial 5 multiple-choice questions to begin the formal process.  He answered the questions, and sent me 5 questions.  I responded, and then sent my 10 must haves, and 10 can't stands.  These are statements about what you are looking for in a match.  For example, a few of mine are:

• "I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love."
• "I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing."
• "I can't stand someone who is always late"
• "I can't stand someone who is obnoxiously cocky.

He then sent me his 10 must haves and can't stands.  Then we did the dance with the short-answer questions, and then finally got to the email stage.

He sent me the following email:

HI--how are you? I wanted to open up dialogue and take a peek further into who you are. I must say, there is something very intangible about you that I leads me to want to get to know u better. Do you have green eyes? The pictures are difficult to tell...  Also, I prefer to always open up the dialogue with an open question, that I can also answer. So here goes, what's your biggest pet peeves about guys?  For me, the biggest pet peeves for girls are when a girl creates drama, is overly 'catty', or when she compares what her friends' boyfriends give them to the love she gets from her boyfriend. Thats very annoying.  Looking forward to hearing from you. 

I responded the next day with:

HI J,  Thanks for your note! I'm doing well this non-rainy Sunday. How about you?  Your email peaked my interest. What do you think about me is intangible? I have hazel eyes - some days they are more green and some days they are more brown. I've found that it depends a little on my mood, what I'm wearing, and the light I'm in...  My biggest pet peeve about guys (or anyone) is non-responsiveness. (I wrote more, but won't bore you with it here).

He responded later that day with "Did you get my previous response? I wrote it while on my phone but have no idea if it showed up--I don't like eharmony's email system btw. I responded with my thoughts on your response,which were very thoughtful."

I let him know his "previous" response didn't come through.  Then 5 days go by and nothing.  We corresponded 2 more times, he asked for my personal email address, I provided it, and still nada.  I can see that he's looked at my profile several times since the last correspondence, but still nada.  Guess what J, I've closed you out.

I had a similar experience with another guy, R from San Carlos.  He initiated communication with me.  We went through the whole guided communication process.  Got to the email stage.  Exchanged a few notes.  He seemed to always take 3-4 days to respond.  We exchanged personal email addresses.  I sent him a note to his personal email.  He responded 4 days later, and asked if I would like to meet in person and asked for my phone number.  I said, yes, I'd be up for meeting, and provided my number.  About 4 days later he responded and said he'd "try" to give me a ring that night.  Two weeks passed, and no call or email.  Guess what R, you've been closed out too.

Yet another guy, H from San Ramon, did the same.  He sent an ice breaker to me.  I looked at his profile, was a little curious.  I started the communication process. Half way through, he sent a request asking to go straight to email.  I accepted.  So, he sent me an email.  No joke, this is what he sent "a cup of coffee?"  Seriously.  I responded with "Hi there H, I don't actually drink coffee or caffeine, but tea works..."  He replied with "Hi, tea sounds good."  I wrote back with:

you are a man of few words...

Tell me a little more about yourself...
* from the Bay area? If no, where are you from?
* how long have you been here?
* large family?
* pets?
* where did you go to school?
* are you doing what you love?
* what brought you to the bay area?
* hobbies?
* chocolate, vanilla, or mint-n-chip?
* favorite vacation spot?

No response.  Nada.  Zilch.

Ok, so, am I missing something here?  You initiate communication with a person.  You ask that person out (or mostly ask that person out), and then nothing?  Correct me if I'm wrong here, but on-line dating, or any type of dating for that matter, usually involves a date, right?  Especially if you've asked a person out to meet in person.

I get it that sometimes life can get in the way.  We get busy.  Things come up.  You may lose interest.  Ok.  All normal things that can and do happen to everyone.  I guess, going back to my first etiquette post - just be an adult and follow-up and if you don't want to meet and you want to rescind your offer of a date, just say so.  It's not that hard or scary.  You can do it in email.  No actual conversation needs to take place.  A simple note that says "I don't think this is a good match, good luck."  Or "I've met someone else and want to pursue that.  Good luck."  Or "Upon further contemplation, I'm not sure I do want to meet in person, good luck."  Whatever, just say something.  Treat people the way you'd like to be treated.  If you like non-responsiveness, the inability to follow-through, or not being dependable, then I don't think I want to know you anyway.  Good luck in YOUR search.

Until next time...

A little Irish History

Adventure tale #5

In the spirit of St. Patrick's day, I thought I'd share my Irish history.

I met Irish (obviously not his real name) on eHarmony in February 2010, part-way through the Chef catastrophe (click here to read about Chef if you haven't already).  Chef told me that I could date other people while he was overly busy with his fraudulent restaurant empire, and that he knew he would "win me back."  So, somewhat reluctantly at first, I continued perusing my eHarmony matches, and reached out to several.  One of those matches was Irish.  Irish was about 3 years older than me, lived about 5 minutes away from me, and ran his own financial consulting and investing business.

We went through the eHarmony guided communication process pretty quickly, and once we reached the email stage, we exchanged a few texts while trying to find a time when we could meet.  We had tentative plans a few times but had to reschedule due to flight delays, flus, other plans, etc.  Finally, we found an evening that worked for us both, and we met made plans to meet for drinks (in March).  I was quite nervous to be going out on a date when I was otherwise somewhat delusionally involved with someone else.  My sister, Sugarcoat, hounded me and hounded me not to put all of my eggs in Chef's basket, and to definitely go out with Irish.  My communications with him prior to meeting in person were great.  He seemed funny, interesting, and cool.  He also actually called me, texted me, and reached out to me (completely opposite of Chef who wouldn't call, wouldn't email, and wouldn't make plans with me.)  The night that I was set to meet Irish for a drink, I was talking with my sister and bemoaning the fact that I hadn't heard from Chef in a few days, and was kind of sad about that.  She basically yelled at me (from a place of love though) and told me to forget about Chef for one night at a minimum, and let myself have fun with Irish.  So, off to my date I went.

I met Irish at a bar on West Portal.  He was definitely cuter in person than in his pictures.  He was funny, the conversation flowed really well, and I had a great time.  I even forgot a little about Chef.  Two drinks and 3 hours later, we decided to call it a night - it was a "school" night after all, and we both had to work in the morning.  So, he walked me to my car, gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek, and said he'd talk to me soon.

About 20 minutes later, I got a text from him.  Here is our exchange:

Irish:  "I really enjoyed meeting you. Would you be up for getting together again soon?"

Me: "Hey Irish - it was great to meet you too!  I would definitely be up for getting together again!"

Irish: "Maybe Sunday night we could grab dinner? Thoughts?"

Me: "Sunday sounds great.  Thoughts on a place / type of food?"

Irish: "Do you like Sushi? Ever been to Koo on Irving?"

Me: "LOVE sushi!  Koo - I've been there once and it didn't disappoint.  Just let me know what time."

Irish: "Thinking 7? Does that work? Btw- Spring forward on Sat night. Love it- the sun will be out later"

Me: "7 works great.  Can't believe we are springing fwd so early... BTW-bummed because my hair appt just got cancelled. Saves me a trip downtown in the rain though."

Irish: "Oh no- I'm to be subjected to the same hair as yesterday? ;)"

Me: "Sorry to disappoint. I will wear different shoes then..."

Irish: "But I love the ruby slippers!"  (note here - I wore red patent leather wedges on our first date - he even remarked about them on the date.  What guy notices shoes?  It made me smile.)

Me: "Me too!  Be honored that you were the first to see them."

The day before our dinner date he asked it I wanted to meet him at the restaurant, or if I would like him to pick me up.  I agreed for him to pick me up, and he was right on time.  We drove down to the restaurant.  He opened the car door for me, opened the restaurant door for me, etc.  He even made a reservation!  So, we have dinner - food was great, conversation was great, the whole evening was great.  He picks up the tab (I offered to pay my part, he declined the offer).  He drove me home.  We talked for a few minutes in the car, then he got out, opened my door, helped me out of the seat, and we hugged, and kissed a little.

After he left, I texted him: "Thanks for a nice evening and a yummy dinner!"

Irish: "You're welcome! I especially liked the kiss goodnight ;)"

We exchanged a few more texts over the next couple of days.  Then he was off to a last-minute trip to Paris.  We agreed that we'd get together when he got back.  We had tentative plans for the Friday after he returned.  I needed it to be an early night because of a stair-climbing race I was doing the next day.  As it turned out he had some friends in town and they were going to go out on the town that night.  So, we rescheduled for lunch after my race on Saturday.  He picked me up, and we went for lunch at Park Chow.  It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day.  So, after lunch, we went down to Ocean Beach, and walked along the beach.  Where we stopped to turn around, he basically grabbed me and kissed me!  It was pretty awesome!  We kissed a little, then turned around and went back to his car.  As he was driving me home, I mentioned that I wanted to see his place.  So, we stopped by there on the way home.  He showed me around (it was really great).  It was funny, because he barely stood near me while we were there.  I was a little curious about that, but let it go.  So, he drops me off at home, and we ended up making out like teenagers in his car in front of my apartment.  It was pretty comical now that I look back on it.  

I texted him a little later that day, "Thanks for the kisses today (and for lunch too). I had a great time." 

Irish responded: "Absolutely! It was everything I could do to not touch you inappropriately but I think I did well ;) see you soon." (guess he didn't think he could resist temptation by being too near me in his own house...)

I was traveling the next week for work, so we agreed to get together again when I got home.  We exchanged a few short texts when I was gone.

When I returned from my trip, I called him, got his VM, and left a message basically saying I was home, and asked if he would like to get together soon.  He texted me back 2 or 3 days later saying he was out of town, but home the next day and would call me.  He never did.  Ever.

So, I thought that Irish was history.  I was a little miffed at what happened.  We had a great time together, good conversation, good chemistry, etc.  But poof - he disappeared off the face of the planet.  When wondering aloud with some girlfriends what happened to him, my friend Sparkles said that when guys disappear, she likes to imagine that they died.  That way she doesn't have to wonder why they aren't responding - they can't because they are dead.  That gave me quite a laugh...

So, fast forward a few months (from April to July).  I was at the Blackthorn Tavern at the celebration for the new owners with my friend Mix, and in walks Irish.  Mix and I were sitting at the back of the bar, and I saw him immediately when he walked in...  I was kind of freaking out - what do I do, what do I say...  He saw me too, and walked right over to say hi.  We ended up talking for about 2 hours.  I asked him what happened, and why he disappeared.  He told me he got busy, his brother's son had an accident, his mother had double hip or knee replacement or something, and he really really meant to call me but when more and more time passed, he felt he couldn't reach out for fear of looking like an asshole.  I basically told him he already looked like an asshole because he disappeared without a word at all...  Well, we talked a little more, and then he walked me to my car.  He said that he was actually hoping to run into me that night, and that we should get together again soon.  I said that I would like that...  We ended up making out on Judah Street for a few minutes before I drove home.

Well, surprise surprise, I didn't really hear from him again for the plans we made for the next week.  Like the glutton for punishment that I am sometimes (ok, a lot of the time), I texted him the following week when I was in So Cal with my family.  We exchanged a few texts and made plans for when I got back.  Big shocker, he didn't call me or text me with the place or time to meet.  I didn't text him to ask what the issue was.  Poof, Irish was history.  Again.

Fast forward to this January.  Chef is fully out of the picture.  Things with District ended (I have yet to share that adventure), and I was hanging out with friends, back on eHarmony perusing matches.  I kind of kept wondering what happened to Irish.  He was a cool guy, good conversation, great chemistry.  But he kept disappearing.  Well, again the glutton for punishment I am, I decided to text him to say hi and ask how he was doing.  He responded and we had a frenzied text exchange that ended with me calling him so we could end the rapid-fire back and forth texts.  It was a Friday night.  He asked me out for a drink that night.  I agreed to go.  He picked me up, we went to a pub and caught up.  We had a great time.

He drives me home, and big shocker, made out in my driveway (we never had a shortage of chemistry).  We made plans for that Sunday.  So, Sunday arrives, I text him, and he responds back that he isn't feeling well (read - hung over from wine tasting in Napa the day before) and that he wants to get together mid-week.  I say fine and hydrate and rest.  So, I hadn't heard him come Wednesday, and was going to text him that evening.  He beat me to it.

Irish: "Hey- wanted to let you know I'm likely to disappear again. It's not you but I'm just not feeling I have what it takes to be in a relationship. I didn't want to lead you on and have us get too physical if I wasn't going to be there in the end.  I know we could be good friends at some point but I know we are both not really looking for friends at this time. I wish you only the best."

Um, ok.  At least he didn't disappear without a trace again.

Moral of the story - if someone disappears once, that sucks.  If they disappear twice, that sucks more, and is indicative of a pattern of behavior that will most likely be repeated again.  If they disappear three times, I'm the fool for finding them again and should have expected it.  But hey, it makes for a good Irish history lesson, right?

Happy St. Patrick's day.  Enjoy your Guinness, wearing green, and everything Irish.  But, be safe and don't drive drunk!

Until next time...

Bottomless Sundays - wheeeee!

The following adventure doesn't belong to me.  I am writing about it on behalf of a good friend who I will refer to as Project Manager (or PM).  PM is a single 30-something girl living in San Francisco.  She earns this pseudonym because she does project management stuff for work, and within our group of friends, she's the "planner".  One time she project managed an outing from her iPhone during a drive from Southern California back to SF.  She wasn't even in the City, yet she was connecting and coordinating various friends to meet up for Sunday Football Funday bottomless mimosas at the Republic prior to meeting us all a little later for drinks and dinner.  She's had her share of dating adventures, and this is the first of several I hope to have her permission to write about.  This adventure is fitting for today because it is Sunday, and the funniest part of this story happened on a Sunday.

So, for most of us adults, Bottomless Sundays means generally bottomless drinks - bloody marys, mimosas, beers, etc. - something alcoholic and never ending.  In this dating adventure it means something else entirely.

Project Manager was at Momo's last July to see the fireworks at a Giant's game.  She and her friends didn't have tickets to the game, so they hung out at Momo's during the game-day madness.  PM met a guy there and talked with him for a while.  He asked her for her number and she obliged.  Shortly after they parted ways that evening, he texted her to tell her it was a pleasure to meet her and that he was looking forward to going out with her.

Soon after they met at Momo's, they had a date in the East Bay.  PM said it was a great date - they had dinner, great conversation, and an overall wonderful time.  He asked PM if she wanted to do something the following week, and she agreed.  She was pretty busy that week entertaining some co-workers who were in town.  She wasn't able to meet up during the week, but was able to make it work for Sunday.  She let the guy know that she had to tour around the City with the co-workers, but would come out to his place when she was done.  So, once she made it out to his place, the adventure really began.

She arrives, gets out of her car, walks up to his door, rings the bell.  Guy answers the door in nothing but a Raider's jersey.  Literally, nothing else.  BOTTOMLESS SUNDAY!  Really, the twigs and berries were poking out of the bottom of his jersey.  He did forewarn PM that Sundays at his house are always bottomless.  She assumed this meant bottomless alcohol, not a bottomless man.

PM was literally in shock.  She came in and they sat down on his couch.  He asked her if she wanted anything, she declined.  Going through her mind were thoughts such as - his bare ass is on his couch; he's not wearing any pants; what the F am I doing here, etc., etc.  He must of picked up on her discomfort because he asked her if she was uncomfortable or something.  PM told the guy that he should probably go put some pants on.  So, he comes back out with pants on, but shirt off.  At that point PM literally got up and left.

I mean, seriously, does that work?  Do people really answer their doors on the 2nd date with no pants on?  Really?  When PM first told me the story of Bottomless Sundays, I was first in shock, and then couldn't stop laughing.  Really gives a different meaning to the phrase Bottomless Sundays - don't think I will ever not be reminded of this dating adventure when I'm partaking in a bottomless Sunday of mimosas or bellinis.

Note to any guys who are reading this - don't answer the door without pants on.  There is a time and a place for no-pants-ness, but a 2nd date isn't it.  Keep your pants on until a more appropriate time for them to come off.  Thanks!

Project Manager - thanks for your permission to share your story.  It certainly is a good one.

Until next time!

Going on a Picnic

Adventure tale #4

I met Picnic (again, not his real name) on eHarmony at the end of September 2009.  We went through the whole eHarmony gauntlet of guided communication and finally spoke on the phone.  We arranged to meet at a Starbucks in my neighborhood on a Sunday.  I was impressed that he selected something so close to where I live (he lives outside SF - about 30 minutes south of the City).  I remember that it was a particularly warm day and I was wearing a skirt, tank top, and flip-flops.  I had recently had a pedicure with one of my favorite polish colors.  We sat and talked for about 2 hours over coffee.  Picnic even commented that he liked the polish I had on my toes!  (What guy notices that?)  When I needed to get on my merry way, he walked me to my car and was even so bold as to kiss me when we parted.  I was a little taken aback, but decided to just go with it.  I was traveling to NYC the next week, so couldn't make immediate plans for another date with him.  We texted a few times during my trip, and when I was at the airport on my way home, he texted and asked me out for mid-week when I got back.

He texted me when I got home and the day of our date.  I was having a particularly crappy day at work, but was looking forward to our date.  He picked me up (was right on time) and even brought me flowers!  It was starting out to be a great first-and-a-half date!  He made reservations at Umami Japanese restaurant.  It was delicious!  We had nice conversation over dinner and an overall great time.  After we finished eating, he suggested having a cocktail at the bar before we left.  So, as we were sitting at the bar, he grabbed my hand and held it while we had our drinks.  I thought it was sweet!  We held hands as we walked to the car.  He opened the door for me and as he turned around to help me in, he kissed me!  His car is a manual transmission, and he held my hand in between shifting gears during the ride back to my place, so cute.

He asked me out again for the weekend, and I agreed.  We texted and emailed a few times during the week.  As Saturday approached, he texted me and told me that we were going to have a picnic (hence the nickname) in Half Moon Bay and he would pick me up at 11:30am on Saturday.  I asked him if I could bring anything, and he said, "just your beautiful self."  So sweet!  So, 11:30am arrives, and he's right on time.  We drove (holding hands between shifts) down to Half Moon Bay.  During the drive, he asked if he could ask me a question - my last name.  I gave it to him, and asked his in return.  It was kind of funny actually.  With on-line dating, at least for me, identity is kind of a protected asset.  I have a separate email address I use for communicating with potential matches, and I have it set so my last name doesn't show.  So, until I volunteer the information or am asked for my last name, my matches only know my first name.  Safety first (one of my life mottoes).

I asked about his living situation and he seemed kind of uncomfortable with answering.  He admitted he had a roommate, but didn't talk much more about it.  Having a roommate when living in the bay area is kind of common due to the high housing prices.  I had a roommate too at the time, so didn't really think anything of it.

We finally arrived in Half Moon Bay and found a nice picnic spot on the beach.  We get out of his car, and he pops the trunk to reveal a huge wicker picnic basket, blanket, and table cloth.  

We get to the bench and he sets up - table cloth, actual plates (not paper), actual wine glasses (not plastic) a nice bottle of my favorite kind of wine, meats, cheeses, bread, strawberries, and chocolate for dessert.  We had a lovely lunch and good conversation.  When we finished eating, we put the basket and accoutrements back in the trunk and took a walk on the beach.  We found a nice spot and sat on a tree trunk and talked and kissed a little.  After leaving the beach, he suggested we stop for drinks at the Ritz Carlton!  We pulled up and sat at the bar and had a few drinks.  It was so swanky and kind of romantic!  During the journey back into the City, I probed a little more about his living situation and got out of him that he lives with his ex-girlfriend in a 2-bedroom apartment.  They moved in together and a few months later the relationship ended.  Both of them were on the lease, and neither could afford the apartment without the other, so they decided to keep it together until the lease expired.  We got back into the City around dinner time and extended the date for dinner at a little pizza joint in my neighborhood.  Again, nice conversation an overall good time.  He dropped me at home and we kissed a little in the driveway, and then he left.

Again, we texted and emailed throughout the next weeks, and had several more dates.  We kind of established a pattern of having dinner once during the week, then again once on the weekend.  I planned a few, and he planned a few.  For me, it was starting to become something more than casual dating.  A little more than a month after meeting, he invited me to come down to his apartment to hang out and go to dinner.  I told him I was looking forward to going down there and seeing his place as long as the ex wasn't around.  Turns out she was out of town.  So, over to his place I went.  His place was really great.  Amazing furniture, nicely decorated, very comfortable.  We hung out there for a while, then went to dinner.  We had another lovely meal and good conversation.  I had kind of prepared myself to stay the night, but when it came to it, it felt a little strange, so I opted to drive home.

We continued to text and email.  One thing that I started to notice more and more as time passed was that we never actually spoke on the phone.  I think in the 4 months we were together, we talked on the phone only 3 or 4 times.  Everything was done via text or email.  A few times he texted me and I called him back within 1 minute of receiving the text, and it would go to voicemail.  I thought it strange that he would have literally just texted me and 30 seconds later couldn't answer the phone he just used to text.  I theorized that maybe the ex was around and he couldn't talk freely in front of her, but really had no idea what the underlying factor was as to why we never spoke on the phone.

Our mid-week dates usually took place in SF - that's where he works, and where I live - and were usually on Tuesdays - the day that the ex wanted him not to come home before 8pm so she could have the place to herself.  Strange.  Since she imposed that, he imposed a day for himself on Wednesdays, so I next to never saw him on Wednesdays.  Strange again.

Most of our weekend dates were in SF too.  Sometimes they would involve him coming back to my apartment, which was sometimes awkward with my roommate home.  He never spent the night though, even though he was invited.  Even more strange.  I mentioned it to him once as he was getting ready to leave, and he said "we'll see."  It kind of made me second guess things a little - why wouldn't this guy want to stay over?  Never figured that one out.

We continued to have dates during the week and on the weekends leading up to Christmas.  Picnic grew up very close to where I grew up in Southern California.  We were both going to be down there for Christmas.  On our last date before I left for Southern California, I asked if he would want to get together down South.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Thanks for dinner, it was lovely.  So, do you think we will have an opportunity to get together when we are both home for Christmas?"

Picnic: "Um, I think I will be pretty busy with my nephews and family."

Me: "OK, I understand.  Maybe we can talk a little."
Picnic: "Well, cell reception isn't the best where my parents live."

Me: "Really?  OK, well, I guess I'll see you when I get home then."
Picnic: "Ok, we can text though."

Me: "OK, well thanks again for dinner.  See you soon."

Picnic: "You're welcome.  See you soon."

Cell reception doesn't work in Southern California - where does he live, Mars?  Whatever.  I walked back inside and was kind of shaking my head in disbelief a little... 

Anyways, I went home for Christmas.  We texted about 3 or 4 times in the 2 weeks I was gone.  Most of those texts were on New Year's day - me asking how he was, he telling me he was hung over.  Me asking him (jokingly) if he reenacted any parts of the movie "The Hangover", and him not responding to 2 additional texts from me.  Nice.  I drove back to SF on Jan 2nd and was looking forward to seeing Picnic.

He never texted me or called me.  I thought it strange.  About 2 weeks into January, I still hadn't heard from him.  So, I crafted an email and sent it off.  

My email said:

"I'm going out on a limb here and assuming that since I haven't heard back from you since Jan 1 that whatever it is we were doing is done.  It would have been nice if you could have been adult about it and had a conversation with me.  Best of luck to you."  

About a week goes by and nada.  A few days in to the 2nd week after I sent the email, I finally got a response that said:

"I apologize for not writing before now.  My father passed away from a heart attack on the 4th, and I have been here in So Cal since dealing with both the practical and emotional issues.  My sister and brother-in-law help, but they also have to maintain an environment of safety and normalacy for my nephews, so I have had to handle most of the arrangements.  Today is the first day I have actual checked my email since it happened.  This doesn't excuse my not writing - I should have let you know what was going on - but may explain it.  Before the holidays it felt like our relationship was fading, but if you would like to get together in a month or so when I've worked through some of the grief (and from the tone of your email, I suspect that you don't), please let me know.  If not, then I truly do wish you well."

My bad.  His father died and that is terrible and tragic.  Having been through the loss of a parent; I don't wish that on anyone.  But, I really had no idea why between the 1st of January and the 4th when his father passed that he never contacted me...  I tried to justify his silence, but really couldn't figure it out.

I responded to his email with something along the lines of - so sorry for your loss, that is horrible.  Hope you and your family are doing as well as can be expected.  Would have been nice if you could have told me sooner what was going on.  Didn't think our relationship was fading.  Regardless, think that we should go our separate ways.  Good luck in your search.

For me, I'd rather someone just be honest with me.  If you don't want to see me, that is your prerogative.  But don't just disappear without a trace or explanation.  Say something, and be honest about it.  Yes, the truth can sting some, but silence or a bullshit excuse are even worse.  If he would have said "I think our relationship is fading and think it would be best if we stopped seeing each other" that would have been much better than not saying anything at all or saying something after too much time passed.  Sure it would have sucked a little, but you lick your wounds, dust yourself off, and get back up on that horse.

Moral of the story - if things seem fishy, they probably are.  Living with an ex and starting a new relationship, probably not the best idea.  Text-only relationships don't work for me.  Communication - get it, use it, keep it honest.

Until next time!